Day 4 Of Misery Without Her

Tis the 4th day already,i guess today was the day that i really break down from my work and my love life.i really wish that i could go back time and save every little things.From my relationship till my working staffs.When thru a hard day at work it was busy thru out the day and i thanks my guys tat we hit our target of $11k today..everyone put in effort in doing it.didnt msg her today cos wat she reply me early in the morning made me really give in to her cos i dont wish to see her stress neither piss off again.Today i have to leave early cos Ah-ma is coming back from thailand.things was going smoothly till almost closing when troubles starts to come in.first i receive a call from Eric Lee saying he wans to see me at Fbar.Then when i went over i saw him with Aric and a few others and i smell something bad is going to happen.didnt realise much till they told me that the staff is being found stealing $$$.I feel damn sad and hurt at that moment.cos they were my elite warriors my most trusted and my capable leaders.i told Aric that i wont believe they steal $$$ but he told me confident tat they were the ones and it has been going on for months which took me aback.i knew they wont be able to come back at that instance.going thru the process of checking and interrigation.Aric even know and told me stop to gamble.i knew he already found out abt the debts im in.during the briefing he indirectly told me a story which was saying abt a gf helping the bf to clear his soccer debts by trying to take a loan from the Company.tis immediately let me thought of her cos i dont wish her to do foolish things for me,by the time it ended it was like 4.45am which i know i would not be able to make it to bring Ah-ma home.Miracle appear when she called me and told me to pass her the hse keys to fetch Ah-ma home.i really appreciate her helping me and i know there is nothing i can do to catch her heart back.By the time i reach home i saw her sitting there for my return.she help me open the door and i know she was going to leave soon.She told ah-ma she was going back home which shock her cos Ah-ma didnt know anything abt us wat happen and things .ah-ma tried to ask her stay for the day but she tried to refuse.I told ah-ma everything and i really regret it.But in the end she still left cos there were no clothes for her here.send her down to take a cab and se left without saying a word.my heart had sunk till the deepest ocean cos i know its not easy to ask her back and i know i shame her cos ppl thinks she is at fault and they told her to forgive me.thanks those ppl but i would rather do it myself.it has been a foul and unlucky week for me.i have been very down for the past few days and wat happen today made me feel even worse.i cant take the fact that i lost 3 good staff and a supervisor in a nite jus for that incident.it really reflects on my leadership.theres a saying (there are no good followers but only bad leaders)which i am 1 now cos the fact tat i didnt take care of them well that they committed tis mistakes,losing a love one at the same week cos i am the one who was at fault to sms tat girl.Y heaven is so unfair to me??Y am i in tis kind of state?Y y y???Am i really a bad lover and a bad leader?i really have doubts in me rite now.how am i going to face the ppl ard me tomoro for wat had happen tis week and my love one tat jus broke up??i am really very emo at tis moment,wat will happen next later in the nite i really dunno cos im afraid to face or have another blow cos i really cant take it anymore.i really feel like escaping from all tis but i wont cos i am a man.even if i have to wear a fake smile tomoro i have too.jus hoping she come for Lunch tis Sunday which ah-ma ask her too.i hope we can resolve many things and hhope tat u will be by my side to support me cos i really need u so much and i really cant go on alone..loneliness and sadness have been in me for the past week when will i be able to see the bright side.i wish and i hope it will come soon.

Lonliness,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)