Tiring day

My day started out with a quarrel with her due to some unforseen things happening i didnt blame her for i knew her attitude did change for the last few days.im sorry the things i have done to u for wat u r now.it hurts me to see her cry when i was with her cos i knew she care alot and misunderstand each others conversation.i didnt mean it and it jus slip my tongue to say somethings which shouldnt be said.knew she havent eaten so bought her fish soup cos tis few days i can see her craving for soupy stuff..i really did pay attention to all ur needs and care but maybe its not obvious enough for u to realise it.i hope u did eat the food i bought.time pass and the F1 race started,clinic was fill with many ppl and i have to step into the bar and help thru out the nite.it was really tiring cos i and my staffs were so tired since the last 2days of slam but still we made it thru and the sales was more then wat we expect even thou its a 1 for 1 drink thingy.didnt have time to msg her cos was too busy till i really cant cope with it at times.ppl were lie jus coming to the Bar as if we were giving free drinks like tat.time did past fast but i sweat and cut myelf during work.it hurst me the moment i saw her cry like tat cos i was the one to be blame for all the cause i made.customers were jus so happy thru out till at times i have to handle them and almost fight.the bar stocks were so fast finishing till i got to borrow from Lunar.no one wa there to help us as we have to fend for ourself tis is how selfish ppl are in life which i cant be bothered.tis is the first time we ever slam till the amount of sales have never happen b4 in Clinic.helping to faster pack up cos she was waiting for me and running a fever.soon as i finish i rush her to the cab and proceed home cos she is really sick tll she cant walk properly.reach home faster make her slp and continue my paper work and sales summary for terry cos he will need it later at the same time ordered my stocks and send it out.i feel very tired whole body is aching but life still got to go on.i really wan a normal life with her and make her happy not making her cry again and also hurting her using words that never should it be said.my hands are shivering cos of the dtons of 1 for 1 drinks i made.my eyes are really tired and rite now seeing her sleeping properly i feel at ease and wanna turn into bed and see her sleep so soundly.i really care for u alot and sorry to make u mad at times.didnt mean it.no matter how many times i say sorry it cant be cure but left a mark on u.later have to wake up and bring her for her checkup.i really need some rest now.sweet dreams my dear and hope u will feel better soon.

Love You,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Busy Days

Had 2 busy days straight in a row which is cause by the F1 in SG.Due to that had a open dance floor for the 2days and was like hell broke lose.ppl keep asking for tables and placing drinks order at the bar didnt have time to go toilet and was angry at times cos the staffs didnt really know wat they ere doing but i cant blame them cos they are new.but really wan to thank them in another way cos they made miracle which i have never seen before in Clinic where the sales shot up like no tomoro.thanks guys for the hard work and effort u guys put in.know everyone was tired after 2 days of hell.will be on leave next week but it seems very diff cos i wont know whether i will go overseas with her or jus stood in SG,due to the fact she may not be able to take leave but wat to do i still have to clear my leaves.everytime its month end im really worried cos when i get my pay most of it is out to pay everything.i really hate it cos i have never been so worse in my life but life still got to carry on and for her i wont mind being broke but the Qs still lies in her whether she mind if im broke which i do really worry alot??whole bobdy aching since i reach home and i know i have to carry on working cos today is the lastt day of F1 and ppl will celebrate after that.She went home last nite cos of the crocoaches at my place which i may find it normal but she told me it can fly which i know its not normal.know i wont be able to catch it and if i dont catch it she wont come home..guess tats the end of it cos i did try my best but cant find it at all..really need to move everything out to wipe and clean the place.she to ld me things which i really never misunderstand her cos i know she tired and stuff.so much hard work put in to see the sales for Clinic but no one up there really appreciate which makes me wonder all they care is Lunar and Yue??dont tell me their sales is damn good till it cant be compare?no matter wat i saw the opening of clinic club i saw the downfall of it and i saw the process of changing clinic till wat it is today i really did many things out but none was really appreciated wonder when willl i see the light of Clinic when will it shine and ppl will start noticing it.realy tired of doing so much but never get anything in return.jus waiting to be off tomoro cos there many things waiting for me to do.hope shes coming back soon cos i really miss her jus hours apart but still the other side of me told me she have to go home at times to check on things and make sure its fine i cant be slefish to ask her stay here and dont really care wats happening at her home.called her jus now telling her i need to open door for clinic knew she find it disappointed cos i told her i working 6pm but the keys are with me and i cant hack care.she jus told me never mind when i said i wait for her finish work and she jus say she tired and hang up the phone.i dont mind u attitude me but do u appreciate the small things i have done have for u,u done things for me??hate it when ppl jus hang my call when i havent finish my sentence i know u didnt do it on purpose.but u really have to controll ur emo at times.

remember the day,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Quote of the Day

Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Facts and Truth of Life

Had a great 2days of OFF after a long weekend,many things happen like Ayu going for F1 and other stuff.didnt wanna bother much cos i think its not necessary for me.wat i concern more rite now is my personal life and her which makes me really need to care more and understand her better due to many mishap recently.day 1 off,went to pet farm continue by going ikea and also Giant supermarket.was enjoyable cos many happy and silly things happen there with her and eddy.went home early to rest cos she not feeling well.which i guess we both slp very early since being together.day 2 Off went out aroung 4plus brought her and eddy again to jln jamal which is a peaceful place like holland village or can i say serangoon garden,ate dinner there as well as dessert at Hagen Daz.after which went home early but things happen at her place which we rush down and settle it b4 heading home again.on the way talk about many things which i guess are sensitive issues in life but she jus dont get it cos i really care for her future and mine.she may think i think alot but without a goal in front u are jus heading no where and aimlessly..life is short and very fragile every step we take is a step tat change our life.i really wish to see u happy and have no worries in life abt anything.know its a quick to say tis much but would really wish things will jus goes on fine btw us cos i really dont wish either of us to the acting good jus be frank and honest towards each other if not a relationship like tat will never last long.know u dont wan me to worry ur things but the ways u do things really care for other but never ever think for urself.frens are everywhere but many will never go thru hard times with u.u need the care and concern but not from a bf kinda things but have u ever feel anything for me since we patch back cos i think tis Qs really lingers in my heart??i know it not easy for u to say cos everytime we talk business u will always be there in a silent mood which makes me wonder wat u thinking and how am i going to understand u when u dont raise a thing.try to open ur doors into ur heart in order i will know more as well as give trust and faith and confidence cos u lost all tis in me and the ppl around u which make me even down in a way went will u be there like before.i really wonder cos u need to think positive in life which also there are always 2 sides to look into a matter whether u choose which one please dont regret cos we cant turn back time.you are still young which i guess some things i say may not suit ur liking but to bad cos i would rather say to let u realise it then keeping u in the dark.know u very tired le try to slp well,sweet dreams and let nature takes it path then trying to change the way of it.

Emotions,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Almost There

Did i make her piss off again?i really got nothing to do with that new staff,i really dunno wat wrong with me.i think i almost here in breaking down.thought a couple should be there for each other and also support each other?i feeling lost in a way or two,i'm not angry but paranoid of myself cos the things i done not enough or cant reach ur expectation?do u always have to get piss off with me and the things i do isnt correct?am i a so shut up tat when things get into the way that i have to jus down my head and walk?im doing all the best for u and myself by not getting involve in any girl related issue cos i know u get jealous easily but i really didnt do it at all.everytime issues like tat happen i dunno wat really is happening cos i'm like in a blur state.feelings jus cant express out cos i know for all i care i jus wan u to be happy.even whoever sms or call u i wish to know but i know if i ask u will get angry de.Is i no use i guess cant even ask u.i afraid of many things like boss ask u drink when i know u will say no but the problem lies here when i cant do anything to help jus feel so useless of myself jus feel tat i cant be there for u at times like tat.i feel sad and the sting when ppl buy food for u and its ur fav when i didnt know at all.are u really happy with me??i try many ways to cheer u up cos dont wan u to think to much cos i dont wish u to have depression or feel weird..know it will still linger in ur mind,im sorry to cos all tis unnecessary troubles for u didnt mean it and really foolish of me to make u into tis state i really blame myself all tis while,how can i be so selfish never ever think of ur feelings..wnet downstair to ge ur chicken soup afraid u feel hungry wanted to cook for u de but knw u tired and u didnt wan it.i really never tu lan u jus many things going thru my head.dont wish u to worry so muc cos u already in quite fan le.tats y no matter wat i have to find solutions out.i know i got no $$$,car,house and future.i cant seem to see the road ahead.but will u still wan such a person like me.i feel inferior at times cos i cant give u things tat u wan now.so many things to settle and i know it will take time but will time wait for me and will u..many things are not told cos i jus wanna take care of all our problems we are facing be it no matter wat i jus wan the best for u and .....know u sleeping soundly and u really need more rest then tis..sweet dream my dearand i do hope tomoro is a better day ahead.

Staying Strong,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Understanding Each Other

Woke up late and didnt have time to blog but was shock and surprise and happy to hear a good news which i dunno how she fine it maybe its not the rite time maybe it is the rite time.like i say the decision lies with us not u only watever u say i will never disagree.i will never be like them jus care for the first 2 or 3mths later go back to the same,worki yesterday was fine after clearing all the misunderstanding.had lunch with her at Yoshinoya which i can see tat things are getting expensive cos i very long never eat le and the bill was almost $20 for 2person..all went well thru out the nite while working till i finish work it started to rain very heavy as in heaven is crying for some reason.waited for her at the transport and went with eddy for late supper at Hougang Green.having her fav mince pork noodle.after tat share a cab home.knew she feeling not well and cold so cook for her mushroom soup which i can see her increase of appettite.ask her to go to bed cos she very tired and try to pat her to slp.woke up 1pm had to rush to MCYS to see romeo's probation officer discussing abt the issues and job related things.after that rush down to douby ghaut to pick 2 new staff to office to sign the documents then proceeded to work.receive her sms saying she feel tired and not feeling well,she took a cab down then brought her to eat yoshinoya again cos she craving for it.talk to her thru out cos i care for her and love her.dont wan her to think too much neither make herslef feel uneasy.its not easy for me but i jus wanna do it cos its my character and she is my love one and she need me the most rite now.She wont be in the rite mood at times cos of things tat happen recently which i will pay more attention on her if not she will think too much.Dear meeting u is by fate,getting together is by chance,loving u is with my heart,thinking of u is my mind,being there for u is my care & concern and understanding u is my wish,supporting u is my life and getting married is my dream.I'm rite now thinking so many things going thru my mind i know i need another job and i know i need nore time to spend iwht u i need god to help me thru all tis cos i myself cant hole the world and i nedd my dear to support me in the decisions i make in life.

Peace,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Day 17..Care & Concern

i guess i speak my mind out to herafter she woke up in the afternoon,didnt get much of slp cos i was thinking many things and looking at her slping talking to herself while she doze off.it may seem cute but for me cant slp till 12plus.fina;;y doze off and woke up at 3pm which i know im tired but got to prepare for work..everything between us is fine back to normal after saying out.jus dont wish her to drink again cos she got kidney problem plus her health is not in a good condition.during work there were many regular guest which cam down to drink had to drink with them cos i made them all spend alot.find myself like a girl cos keep changing table drink with them but i did control my limit.everything was smooth till closing jus tat had to entertain all my guest make them happy.after tat they brought me to MOS to continue cos Clinic close at 3am today.after which i thought of waiting for her but she was in a meeting so didnt wanna bother her went with them to have supper at river valley.after which they send me home.hope her meeting will end soon and she can come home rest cos i feel she v.v.tired and not feeling well..im also very tired le cos didnt sleep much yesterday.saw her shivering jus now at Yue entrance but i cant do a thing feel abit down cos i see her suffer but vant even help.after all tis misunderstanding btw us i tend to realise wat true love and giving and forgive and forget.would like to see improvement in tis r/s.do hope she give herself and me some confidence cos i would wish to ripe the fruit together.Dear,i love u for who u r and not wat u r.well time for me to lie on bed hope too see her later when she open the door with a smile to welcome her home.

Confidence,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Lies & Lies

Feel so sad and piss off,called me to wait for her downstairs tried calling her yet she still enjoying at Yue.And tell me need not wait for her to come home cos she going her own home later.take me as a fool by jus waiting for her downstairs.mind blown went over her house downstairs and wait for her by the time i reach ther she said she reach home already.went up and look but knew she wasnt home yet.try calling her but she doesnt wanna answer her hp.got thru for once but shelle said she diverted her hp to hers.wats wrong with her waited for sometime at her house till i cant stand it anymore thinking where she is,is she alrite and wat happen to her???muz u make me worry so much for u...cant u jus tell me the truth where are u and things wat for lie to me and dont wish to pick u my phone.neither reply my sms..dont treat me like a fool taking cab here and there waiting for u..if u really care for me as a bf pls do ur part not keep on saying me when u cant even control urself.wats the point of calling me to wait yet u take it for granted.i am damn piss off already at work and now u still have to give me problems dont i have enough of everything have to worry abt $$$ as well..wan pasta i buy even though its expensive wat do i get in return???i dont wish to say anymore cos u r damn stubborn..

Day 16..Care & Concern

Again another bad day.Went to work but feel uneasy cos she gave me a look which she look trouble and distance from me again.tried to ask her wats wrong but she didnt wanna bother me.have to go to work cos the keys are with me.in the mrt she sms me asking me abt Angel who she is and y did i change her name in my hp.which i knew she misunderstand me again.knew no matter how much i say or do wont change her mindset cos she take it as im always giving excuse or hiding things from her which i really never hide from her since that incident.Telling me tat i keep giving her excuses and stuff but to be truthful i really didnt lie neither give excuses.i jus merely change her name on my hp cos im afraid she will get angry or misunderstand me again by seeing when did i knew tis dancer but in fact she is a fren which i knew her yrs back when she was a dancer and was together with a fren of mine.i know how much i say its too hard to trust but i know im telling the truth and not hiding things from u.y i delete her sms cos im afraid when u see it u will think wrongly again.it like me jumping into the yellow river and i cant wipe it off.saw her coming to work but she didnt look at me cos she is angry but wat else can i say when i really feel tat im innocent tis time round.well,i still have to carry on my job scope cos its a friday nite.saw kenneth yang and told him not to use ruler to smack her cos her whole body is aching and she feel pain.at the same time he told me tat the opp store does chinese accupunture and its cheap and wanted to bring her for tis treatment seeing whether it will work.she called me after tat and she was back to normal which i find it strange cos 2hrs back she was angry with me and now she started talking to me.i feel so up and down at times.but didnt wanna bother much cos im afraid to disturb her since today is Yue opeing and she will tend to get stress during work so didnt sms her.was busy thru out the nite till 1am when she sms me telling me she is hungry rush down to coffee club to get wat she wan and deliver it to her.Sometimes i really wonder is there something wrong with me tat i can do everything for her and jus her even though happy or not happy i'll still do it for her.i really love her alot tilll tat extend but can she put some trust in me cos i dont wish to get blame for nothing cos i really feel tat after tat incident i never ever wanna hurt her neither use excuse to bluff her.knew tat next week got event at fountain try to talk to Aric whether can i increase manpower but he told me to find terry.which by the time i find terry i knew he was drunk watever i told him he jus say go ahead without thinking.Saw vikki and knew she left Helipad hope she will come back and lead the cannery team cos now every one feels tat no head is there to guide us thru cos they are all concentrating on Yue which i find it biased.trying to do something out for next week event since i cant go for F1 which really dissappoint me alot.but now Terry is not in a clear mind so watever i told him jus now is a waste of my breath.feel tat tis company is really going towards another direction where i really dunno wat im looking forward too,vikki offer me to go Dubai work with her helping her cos she needs an assistant but she have to wait for the reply from them cos tis is an opportunity and will help me grow when IR is opening 2010 plus they are paying in Poundz.but have to wait and see her results first.Going back to her,i feel tat no matter how much i do will never really touch u and i wonder do u appreciate things i have done as a bf??im really stress out at work and my personal life.y bad things always come to me when i never even expectes it.So many customer complains today and i have to run 3outlets till i got no time to eat at all.my ENT burst today cos of the 7%GsT increase and customer complains which i had to buy drinks for them.but doesnt really matter cos i given up for the day.jus wanna faster end work and wait for her to go home and jus doze ogg.went Lunar asking her whether she wan me to wait for her but she told me need not cos she may end late if not she may return to her own house.sorry if u find me giving a look jus now cos im jus low in mood and tired and hungry and disappointed in the upper management and myself.well wanna stop here cos i realy feel down till the very last of me.hope tomoro will be a better day and she will be coming home to slp.

Down to Earth,

Kenneth Chan

Quote of the Day

It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love,
But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands

Day 16..Care & Concern

Today was a slow day.Went to work with her and met eddy in the train which we suppose to meet at kovan but he over short to seragoon station.went to central bought milk tea then proceed to work.Yicong didnt show up at 4pm.waited till almost 5 still no show.decided to take action on him but talk to her and explain how he is like,whether to give him a chance or wat is all on me cos alot of ppl really aim him and he sms me around 6 plus telling me to give him sometime to think thru cos he very stress and things like tat.eddy bought me dinner cos she cant make it so ate in the store,knew it was a boring day but sudeenly complains from customer came in and i dont blame eddy cos it a minor thing but have to train him on his attitude towards customers and how to phrase his words so that they ownt feel offended.Slow nite keep on pestering Randy thru out.Saw her sitting down at clinic and she waited for me till 3am.feel very touched.cos i knew she was tired and not feeling very well.faster chop chop finish my things and took the transport home..bake some bread for her cos can sense she hungry and also boil an egg to rub her back cos i knew ehr whole back aching hope she feel better if not i have to bring her go see the chinese professional le.i was very tired and saw her thru till she slept then slowly i doze off.but i didnt stop blogging jus hope she know it and never will i give up tis blog cos its the longest and most things i wrote is true and i feel tat its part of my life thru out.wake up saw her face like not very happy and i saw her blog which i guess is abt the promise i made and the blog that i will always write jus tat soemtimes i have to blog after i wake up.hope u understand cos i will still blog de..

Blogging,

Kenneth chan

Day 15..Care & Concern

Today was the start of a better future and relationship.trying to keep this relationship simple and easy not letting her feel uneasy neither letting me stress how to treat her better.jus relax and normal will do,at the same times doesnt wan ppl around us to know too much cos i guess both wanna keep it to ourself.Went to Chomp Chomp and eat at serangoon garden follow by mahjong seesion which both of us win abit lar..well should have taken pics.hmmm muz remind myself to bring the camera along so tat we can take pics and scenery to add abit of life to our relationship as well.Reach home in the morning at 6.30am..doze off after awhile.woke up in the afternoon cos have things to do.she went to fit her dressing while i went to Clinic to finish many unfinish business.Was very happy cos i want it this way simple and easy for both of us need not care abt other things happening.Was at Barfly Office doing my work and saw many new faces for Yue,didnt care much cos i wont be there to help neither support but i see it a a very nice and posh KTV.whether it will earn or not still unknown cos i guess our Bonus depends on Yue again like last year for Lunar.hmmm..Leave being approve already so will be going for a short trip with her during her Bday so tat we can chill out and let things down..know she will get more stress recently cos of Yue.will put in more care and concern for her.if really things doesnt work the way u would like to see or work with.there are always better option out there need not push urself to the limit.give urself sometime amybe a month to see whether it will fit in u if not do voice out.Return home together after doing our things and saw her in a quite tired manner.heart ache and faster gave her eat her medication and soon she doze off le.hope she get better in the morning.Sweet dreams my dear..

Happy,

Kenneth Chan

Day 14..Understanding

day 14,went down to Office to hand in my paper work,after that ask for my Al balance which i got a shock that i got burn 7days for not using it before it expire.was piss off and really wanna see Aric and Eric to talk abt it.Went to work and sorted many things before she sms me.ask her come Clinic drink which i reserve a table for them cos i know its a girls talk gave them a nice nice table.at the meant time talk to Eric and Aric regarding many issues which they solve for me.they also tell me to stand strong and lead my team well,after tat help the bar and floor thru out closing.saw them sitting there talking so didnt wanna disturb till we close.after which Kenneth Yang talk to me regarding our problems which i guess i saw the pic and understand the root of the problems and i know i have work it out myself first.hmmm,went home together and did maybe talk abit here and there and i told her things but she didnt say much.hope everything from today onwards will go fine and smooth.dont wish to see the past again.jus wan both of us happy.i really smoke very little nowadays trying to cut down as much and also fast as possble by not buying as well.hope i can quit it out or jus be a social smoker..understanding is the key to success but also i have to control my attitude and temper cos i dont wish her to be unhappy neither emotional.Kenneth Chan Yi Long,it all abt u.kepp it up Go Go Go.

The Past,

Kenneth Chan

Day 13..Understanding

Day 13,Had a Big quarrel with her but didnt mean it cos all i wan is to make her understand somethings and not to insult her neither bring anything up,i'm really foolish at times cos i didnt know she wait for me till 12pm.many things we do for each other we didnt know and expect to be appreciated.All i say is jus to make her realise how cruel tis world is,time past slow thru out the day and Clinic was like never ending pack ppl jus came in and sat down for drinks.Damn piss off with Lunar Management,wanted to inter bar transfer 2btls of Vueve Brut cos i ran out and my customers wan it.cant they make the fucking decision??ask me to call Charles,Eric or Terry in the middle of the nite regarding tis small matter which i find stupid cos its already 1am and call them on their off day to disturb them?I swear from today onwards im not going to borrow anything from them and hope they stay a clear path from Clinic cos watever they wan i will do the same back.Wanted to have a heart to heart talk with her but she was tired so didnt wanna waste her time and effort.make it on another when she is free and feel like talking.she msg me when i reach home and tell me tat something happen and she really piss off told her to calm down and not bother cos it wont help much try to understanf her and give in to her cos she is tired and temper will rise easily but i guess she didnt see it that way in return she told me i wasnt understanding wat she going thru?Asking myself wat can i say to her or do for her?work is always like tat u will face problems at times and some are really shitty or fuck up.but wat for put to heart all the way once its over its over put in ur heart makes u feel worse and things cant be undone.Next time the person come back try to be careful.i dont mind u giving me attitude neither temper cos its part and parcel of life to be with it and grow up with it.i have to stop here got to rush to office and after tat work.dont worry if u dont wish to see me cos i'm going to work jus talk to Ah-ma or something..understanding someone is not easy there are many ways and means to use and to apply in order that is rite and the person wanna hear it.

Forgiving me,

Kenneth Chan

Quote of the Day

Pursuing my career,i did it.
but i lost something,
something which is important to me.
and will never get it back again.

Day 12..Will i see the Light

Day 11,Went to work and saw Greg(MOS) sit down talk to him regarding work and stuffs.Thinking of the debt im in and would wanna faster clear it cos i dont wanna be a bankrupt.Terry didnt came to work i guess cos never saw him the whole day.the night went thru quite fast and Angel and her fren came down to Clinic was surprise to see her cos very long long time never see her.she wanted a seat and Clinic found her a table and then order Mumm champagne btl sat down with them to have a drink and they again order a btl of Moet Rose.they waited for me to close before we proceed to Mos.Arrive there and had a bucket of Heniken and also jugs of Vodka Redbull.Someone one from another table spill redwine on my pants almost drag him out of there but didnt do so cos he apologise and offer me red wine.Drink then Drank till Mos close.Knew thet never had enough so ask me to go Living room to drink again..i was like wow..sooner or later sure gone case but never care cos i jus wanna have fun.Took Angel car over went to the Carpark and saw her new Alfa Romeo Coupe.i knew she comes from a rich family so didnt really wow at all cos she been changing car often.by the time i reach Living room saw my ex staff and frens there enjoy with everyone drank jugs of Tiger beer which really suck cos i didnt really like beer.but play 5-10 lost quite many times and i knew my head was spinning.Angel was like helping me drink alot also..try to stop her from drinking cos she is driving party till 6.30am before leaving there straight away knock out when i enter her car..Wake up saw her sms and called me and i know something wasnt rite but guess she misunderstood already no matter how much i explain she will never forgive and forget but nothing happen btw us.i know my mind is still in a blur state and having a bad hangover.Well got to end here and i know she is angry and upset abt me wat else can i do to make her mine i really have no ways out cos she laready Hate me but i swear i never say much about our things neither abt the Blog.

Regards,

Kenneth Chan

Day 11..Will i see the Light

Day 11,have u ever wonder wat will we be in the future??i really have no idea and i dont even dare to think abt my future now cos i'm really in a messy state till sometimes i wonder wat i do is it worth it or its correct??today had another bad hair day for me cos of my ex-staff who came down to find me and talk..got spotted by Terry and he sms me to ask them to leave but i didnt cos i feel tat they are not within the company compound unless u telling me tat the fountain area belongs to Clinic.He call melvin over and i told melvin off cos tats a public area and i have no say to ask them to leave.dunno wat melvin told him but i know once i turn around he scolded me in a loud tone in front of my guest and staffs and security.i didnt really care cos i wasnt even in the mood to argue back neither embarass.Thus he ask me back tis Qs do i still wanna work or tranfer out.i was like thinking hard transfer me to where??CDM??tats my only option i guess cos the rest like Lunar or Heeren i wont even wanna step in.dunno wats wrong with me tis few weeks like so unlucky and things keep jus coming into my way.When will i be happy again when will my happy go lucky character be back?Today marks another day as i tried to quit smoking le.didnt buy cigarette at all wanna quit tis habit and lead a healthy life style.hope i will be able to tolerate cos i have been smoking since 12yrs old.I really miss the times we spend together.Aric Tan saw my foul and moody look came over and check it out then i explain to him the whole thing regarding Terry.didnt mean anything but Aric apologise to me which i feel there nothing to do with him wat for tell me sorry.no matter wat i really have doubts since a few day back abt the company cos of the things im going thru.wondering 2yrs back with the company i wasnt like tat till now how devoted and loyal am i last time compared to now..seen many ppl come and go till i dont have any feelings at all.lost of words and expression didnt show a thing or two.fight broke out at lunar front door jus now and i worry for her safety but i knew she would be fine cos there are ppl there taking care of her,so i didnt when over and ask her how she is.didnt knew she had to work till 6am today..hope she feeling alrite and never really vomit le.pls take the med regularly cos i dont wish to see u in pain and will get better soon.sometimees i wonder do u really care for me and think of me cos i really dunno wat ur mind is thinking.i really dunno wat makes u say out things tat badly abt urself neither are u reluctant to sms me back or call me back at times.give each other some times to understand each other but ur doors are not open to let me know u better.y things turn out tis way i really blame no one but myself again.maybe cos i play to many girls last time now its trying to fool me back?God is so unfair at times.i really got so much hardship in life and things yet u still give me so much shit..when can i see the light i really wonder???know i will be very hot temper tis few day cos im trying to quit smoking and if there no nicotine in the body the side effects will come.hope she remember to take Al on the 5th til the 7th Oct.cos i have taken mine.well,going to bed now cos i have to wrk later at 4pm which i didnt slpet much yesterday too.wish u reach home safely and rest well.

Quote of the Day

Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy,
...Anger... tears... laughter..
It's when you want to be together despite it all.
That's when you truly love one another.

Day 10 Of Misery Without Her

Day 10,Today was my Off day and looking forward to see the movie 4bia with her later in the nite.woke up early to do my stuff and after that went down to Clarke Quay for a urgent meeting and everything in the meeting was let go know i had to do many changes to my schedule and be handed up by the next day.sat at nectarie for a ice cream waffle which its been a long time since i had it.took the chance to bought her 2 tirimisu cos i know she likes it and think she didnt have 1 for quite sometime as well.meeting ended late and i knew i have to rush a cab to Amk Hub to meet her for the show at 9.50pm.by the time i reach there saw her with Chuanie and shelle which i know i feel like a stranger to them since the day we broke up but still i try to break the ice and sorry cos the show was abt to start if not i would really have dinner with them.took the chance as they left to talk to her not personal things but job and related things.knew if i dont say a thing it will be very strange thru out the whole day together.in the middle of the show she felt cold and i know i cant do much but jus to stay close her and make her feel better abit cos she keep getting shocked or afraid by some disturbing screens.Overall the movie was nice jus that Jeremy Tan keep sms and call me for his btl was at Lunar and he wans to bring it to Clinic which i knew i cant help him only if im there.brought her to Siglap where i like the Hongkong cafe there.sat and had drinks but she kept ggoing to the toilet and vomit.can see its getting worse.hoping she will be better soon.left the place abt 1am and i knew she cant slp tat early so i ask her to came over my place to let her do watever she wans.didnt disturb her at all cos i knew she was having fun talking to herself while playing viwawa.while i was watching the Hongkong Drama.feel this way was nice cos at least staying together for the moment but we do our own things at least im there to see her thru good and bad.played till early morning 6am b4 she wanted to slp when her sickness cam back,keep on coughing and cant slp and kep going to the toilet.She started to breakdonw and i knew i had to do my part.telling her many things and letting know abt life.till 9am where she cant really slp so i decided to bring her go down stairs see a Doc.wanted to go in with er to see wat happen and wat she will tell the Doc everything was like before cos i hole her hands and talk to her.by the time she paid i knew she was heart ache cos it cost $61 which i knew she can do many things with it.wanted to pay for her but she insist.went out of the clinic and she wanted to go home and rest.as we walk she kept thinking abt the $61 whether its worth it.i told her tis i doesnt matter if i pay or wat so long as she wont have to think abt $$$ and getting stress abt it.but she say its like her problem and she wont use my $$$.i knew how stubborn she can get at times cos tat $$$ can let her ccut her hair which i told her tat i pay for it again but she jus refuse.thought everything was back to normal once she took a cab home and i went home but i receive a sms which hit my heart.i hope she wont think it that way and i really wish to get back along soon but i know tis things need time and she need some peace in mind still.tried calling her the instance i think she reach home but she didnt ans maybe she was thinking many things so i went to bed.jus hoping she fine and take her med regularly and get well soon.i really enjoy the day with u and hoping tis will carry on cos its a way to really know each other better.hope she will let me pay for her hair first and u can always return me next month cos tis $$ dont really cos much jus wan u to feel better in life.

Hopefulness,

Kenneth Chan

Day 9 Of Misery Without Her

Today is the 9th day,was actually Off today and tomoro but becos of wat happen recently im afraid to go on off cos i dont wan anything bad to happen to the outlet or my staff.its the first time on my off day that i went back to work,even though i'm abit surprise tat i will do it but if i dont go i dunno wat else to do at home or outside.step into work as usual by 4pm.run all kinds of errands cos of stocks coming in.after which i did all my paper work like sat there for hours doing it till nite before going dinner with them.Waited till abt 9plus when sacha and frens came down to find me and celebrate at Lunar.saw her talking to Ice didnt wanna bother her so i jus went over Helipad at Central to look for vikki and roger cos i have never been there before and wanted to see the place.To my expectation i do like the atmosphere cos its nice and chilling.went to the roof top and got a glance at clarke quay which was so beautiful.hope 1 fine day i can bring my love one there and view frm the top.Well,didnt spend a cent there cos they bought me a few drinks,Norman call and meet me at Helipad and we stay there for awhile,by the time i thought of going back 2 beer jugs jus came to our table and vikki was the one who buy us..seems crazy but a token of appreciation we eack drank another jug.damn full stomache feel like bloated..left there after that and proceed to Lunar to find the rest.Again started drinking with them i knew it at also bought sacha a Waterfall..haha..drank Martell and chivas the stench of it makes me wanna puke cos i have been drinking it for the past few years and really hate it at times.Left them for awhile to do some observation of Clinic i'm jus worried abt thme and my outlet cos i dont wish another incident to happen and they r still in the low mood season..trying my best to bring the team back to normal but i know it will take time.Receive a msg frm her telling me not to drink so much at that point of time it wake me up cos i dont wanna get drunk and make her come all the way to bring me home so i jus tyr to stop.try to entertain them as well as sms her.told her im fine and i dont blame her neither does she have to feel guilty.now wat i wan is to know her better and to see things further cos i dont wish to repeat the mistakes again.anyway did talk to Alan and nothing much really asking me y i come work.jus told him im afraid abt Clinic.know she going see Doc tomoro and hope everything is well,maybe at nite will be watching movie with her since i guess i never catch movie with her since wat happen..4bia will be the movie i guess both of us wanted to catch since the preview hope it will be nice and things will go fine too..well,im really tired since i havent really off since last wed till now been working like made and thinking like a mad dog.time for me to rest and really look forward for later in the evening.

Drink,Drank & Drunk,

Kenneth Chan

Day 8 Of Misery Without Her

Day 8 without her.Today i guess the truth is there and nothing can be undone.i thought things would be fine after she came to my house but sudden i saw her blog and i know my whole heart is shattered.thought u say give time to let u know me better but u didnt give urself to learn and understand abt me at all when u did such a decision.it really pains me and i really beeen hurt tis time round too deep and i dunno how long will it heal tis wound of mine.Didnt msg her the whole day and she didnt do it too knew tat we are coming to and end of the thing.Maybe to love someone is to really let her go and let her be happy with her life.i guess i have to agree with tis cos even though u can be by my side but ur heart is not then wats the point.i maybe childish at times but life is always full of mistakes and thru tat then we learn how to grow up.its been a tiring day and i really wish to jus fall asleep and never wake up cos i know once i wake up she is always on my mind..I think i did my mbest trying and thanks alot of ppl helping me by the side even though so many things happen in such a short period of times and i really let u all down.i'm really tired for u treating me cold at times and hot at times.y muz u torture me till tis state i guess i jus been blown away by wat u wrote in friendster(LETS GET USED WITHOUT EACH OTHER).i know its easy for u but for me it will take alot of time.im sorry to say tat but i really thank u for giving me a happy memory and the time we spend together.i really dunoo wat else or things to do cos i lost a ger i love and a ger i treated her as a gd fren.i have totally lost and i have admitted defeat and i jus feel like throwing myself away.Kenneth Chan Yi Long u r the weakest link in relationship.im sorry i cant be the perfect one in ur life and i disappointed u.may u find ur happiness soon.i promise from today onwards i will not disturb u neither get close to u.this is all i can do cos i dont wan u to see my fragile side neither would i wanna break down in front of u cos i cant afford it.i now really dunno who the fuck am i anymore.i have lost my sense in life annd the human touch as well.Trust & Undestanding is all bullshit never will i trust or understand anyone from today onwards.Till the day the next fellow who can melt my heartless heart if not there will never be one.jus leave me alone everyone,i dont wan any sympathy neither love neither care.I need to find another job to lessen my debt and also to keep me busy.i dont have much time cos i know my sickness is back i jus feel giddy and break into a cold sweat.whole body tremble and i feel like shit.If u wan my life come take it dont waste my time neither others.

Breaking Down,

Kenneth Chan

Quote of the Day

Love is strong yet delicate.It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.
There is only one happiness in life,to love and be loved.

Day 7 Of Misery Without Her

Day 7 ,today i find her very foolish in a way.if i never call her i think she would be wondering from 2pm till 6pm at anywhere.i really hope she wont do tis thing anymore.there always a place call Home for u which is my place.dont ever do it cos it really worry me.maybe at times i maybe over protective of u but i dont see a bad neither a gd point.Thanks for helping me taking care of Ah-ma and see her thru her appt me the doc.i hope everything is fine for Ah-ma and i bet Ah-ma told u alot abt me or things.maybe 1 day u will let me know ur conversation with her and Auntie Anna.Sorry cant say much during the afternoon cos rushing for Head Office to help the 4 guys.After those things i came went to work straight didnt eat anything at all and my stomache was grumbling all the time.but have so many unfinished business to settle till i can have a proper dinner which i really thank you again for getting me tat burger cos Aric speak to me alot of things till 10pm.He was lke trying to tell me things abt my 4 guys and alot others which made me know and feel things in a diff angle.Everytime i sad or moody he will always appear and help me out by giving advice but please dont mistaken cos he know nothing abt us.and i didnt tell him at all.Saw chuanie and shelle came to find u and i'm to busy with work and didnt have time to speak to them till late at nite.Day past by slow and i very tired cos didnt really slp much recently,even though its slow but i was happy cos in my heart i know she coming back home to slp.but wat makes my worse day was to saw Alan talking to her but i dont blame her but in my heart i feel the itch.cos i know im jealous and have u ever wonder y a guy ask u out and buy u drinks and talk to u..dont u think he have ther motive then tat.sorry if u think im blunt or straight forward cos im a guy and i know how guys work or thinking.He saw me and he is really someone im going to hate so cos he didnt use to be like tat till now when he gave me those fake smile which i know wat his mind is thinking.i hope and wish that u didnt tell him much abt me.makes my heart boil and piss off wih him more.i know his going to be the head of KTV Lunar and he will get to see u more often but pls be careful of him cos i know his not a simple guy and u r always very naive.which i dont blame u.hope u really take care of ur health cos i can see that its getting bad to worse,have to find out ways and means to make u feel better.like i promise u and Ah-ma i will quit smoking and i will once i finish the last 3 packets.then from there on i know the side effect but im ready to take it cos i dont wish to break it neither will i wanna see myself no up.i know sometimes i cant speak my mind out but i didnt mean it cos im really either stress or in a short anger.Didnt do anything much jus now but did a bunch of flowers using tissue doing it and i spend uite sometime wanted to give u end of the day but saw something which made me throw it away.when im doing it i realise i have never done it for and regreted throwing away cos alot of time and effort was spend doing it.Well,hoping u will slp soundly and wont keep on waking up feeling pain.i know the mian i cook is not up to standard and hope things will improve if i can cook often for u like last time..

Missing u,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Quote of the Day

Promise the things we say,
we have to honour and do it,
regretting doesnt solve things,
but actions will only change them.

Day 6 Of Misery Without Her

Day 6,I was half drunk after work and eddy called her to come pick me home.i knew wat was going on but didnt have the strength neither the mindset to think rite.i know i made Ah-ma worry for me since she saw me in that state but i didnt mean it.Alot of things i knew jus that i keep it to myself.Am i really not important in ur heart??well i dont think i need the ans cos i think i knew the ans already.it really sad and hurt me alot but i know i did everything already..U may think tis is another blog jus like the same for gladys but i think u got it wrong cos its the heart that counts.know many things i say cant turn u back,i even went asking ppl how preganancy is like cos i dunno nuts abt it and dont wish to see u suffer like tat..even if im drunk today later i still have to wake up and face my problems again..i feel sad tat u went out with another guy and hurt at tat very instance,it made me think so much till i have no way out of the situation.its not saying going out was wrong cos i knew we broke up and there no other reason tat can keep u from me other ppl..im sorry if i wasted ur precious time coming down to pick me.no matter how much u read from here u wont understand my feelings cos is not really shown here and tis is not a normal blog which i created for fun neither jus to let you touched and love me.i know im useless cant be there for u when u need me most.even if another guy frm tis company was to woo u he stands a better chance cos i know wat kind of situation im in and cant be compare cos i am someone in debt and cant give u things tat u like.i knew i fall hard tis time round but slowly i have to pick myself up and carry on walking tis long road ahead.never will i step into the same mistake again cos i know how bad it feels and is like.Forgive is a big word to use which i knew even though how Ah-ma pleaded for me u still wont forgive in ur heart.be it tat way cos i dont wan her to see me like tat and i know i break her heart even more.thinking of the day b4 and now its so totally diff.but wat else can i hope but the better in life the next life time.u may know everything abt me the past but did u ever really trust me cos if u do u wont Qs neither look at my hp to get the ans.it takes 2 ppl for the mouth to start talking a cvonversation which if a person doesnt reply it seems that its all base on letting ur mindset go wild and imagines things which some maybe rite and some may be wrong.but whether they r rite or wrong the truth is there which only when ask or prompt the ans will then came out if not it will only stay in the dark and never will anyone knows it.

Truthfulness,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Day 5 Of Misery Without Her

Its the 5th day,i rally did not have any mood to go to work,but i still got up and tell myself i have to face all tis ppl and problems.I knew Terry was waiting for me to really scold me for wat had happen last nite and he really did.which in my heart i know he is sad abt it as well.I can feel tat my staff were all in a very low mood like me and i didnt know how to cheer them up myself cos i'm already so unlucky and my mood is in 0%.Without them is like losing my arms and leg,they were the ones tat cheer anyone of us and the backbone of Clinic.Today without them i know i was short of staff but i did not request ofr any cos i wanna work things out myself.its been so long since i work in the Bar and i feel the ache after work.didnt have time to smoke neither eat cos thru out the time it was so busy and guess no one did wanted to bother me cos they no i am not in a rite state to even bother,but some of the managers likeAloysius(MOS),Greg(MOS),Randy(Fbar),Aric and Terry came over asking whether i need help i rejected their kind offer which tis is the real me i dont ask for favours neither will i ask for help cos with or without help i know things will still work out.But i do thank them for asking.Today again the same thing happen at Kandi Bar someone was caught.As for me i didnt bother cos i was not in any mood at all.Saw her coming for work at 7.30pm,i wasnt in a rite state of mind due to b4 that i was being reprimanded by Terry.Today seems like i have return to my old days as a Bartender taking stocks,doing orders,washing gls and even doing inventory which help me kill time if not i really dunoo wat things am i going to think abt and making me feel emo again.time past by fast and im jus waiting for lunch later where i'll be able to see her and Ah-ma will be happy seeing her too.All i know tat im hungry but i didnt have appetite to eat.i feel tired but i jus wanna blog all my feelings b4 i jus throw myself to bed.i hope she doesnt have to take up any job jus becos of my debts.I dont wan u to be so hard on urself,u always tells me tat u r a princess and u should be like one letting me take care of ur every needs.i hope u do tell me things tat trouble u like the negative and positive P.kit.dont jus swallow all ur troubles to urself cos 1 day u will jus break down which tat will be the last thing on earth i would see.is there no way out tat the only solution is to go seperate ways?From the day we were together i told myself to cherish u and to give my full love to u cos i know u r tat girl im waiting for and would wanna see the future together.i am really really sorry for all the mistakes and the hurting things i have done to u.i know its not easy to forgive and forget but would u spare a thought for Ah-ma,she is so old and dont wish to see tis things happening.she really hope to see us happy and see us getting married and i know tats her last wish on tis earth.hope things will work out and let me share ur burden and troubles.

Without u,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Quote of the Day

I am not a superman i cant save everyone.
I wan to be a great lover and leader.
If only miracle is there to help me.
If only i could turn back time.
Till the day i see it i'm going to work harder.

Day 4 Of Misery Without Her

Tis the 4th day already,i guess today was the day that i really break down from my work and my love life.i really wish that i could go back time and save every little things.From my relationship till my working staffs.When thru a hard day at work it was busy thru out the day and i thanks my guys tat we hit our target of $11k today..everyone put in effort in doing it.didnt msg her today cos wat she reply me early in the morning made me really give in to her cos i dont wish to see her stress neither piss off again.Today i have to leave early cos Ah-ma is coming back from thailand.things was going smoothly till almost closing when troubles starts to come in.first i receive a call from Eric Lee saying he wans to see me at Fbar.Then when i went over i saw him with Aric and a few others and i smell something bad is going to happen.didnt realise much till they told me that the staff is being found stealing $$$.I feel damn sad and hurt at that moment.cos they were my elite warriors my most trusted and my capable leaders.i told Aric that i wont believe they steal $$$ but he told me confident tat they were the ones and it has been going on for months which took me aback.i knew they wont be able to come back at that instance.going thru the process of checking and interrigation.Aric even know and told me stop to gamble.i knew he already found out abt the debts im in.during the briefing he indirectly told me a story which was saying abt a gf helping the bf to clear his soccer debts by trying to take a loan from the Company.tis immediately let me thought of her cos i dont wish her to do foolish things for me,by the time it ended it was like 4.45am which i know i would not be able to make it to bring Ah-ma home.Miracle appear when she called me and told me to pass her the hse keys to fetch Ah-ma home.i really appreciate her helping me and i know there is nothing i can do to catch her heart back.By the time i reach home i saw her sitting there for my return.she help me open the door and i know she was going to leave soon.She told ah-ma she was going back home which shock her cos Ah-ma didnt know anything abt us wat happen and things .ah-ma tried to ask her stay for the day but she tried to refuse.I told ah-ma everything and i really regret it.But in the end she still left cos there were no clothes for her here.send her down to take a cab and se left without saying a word.my heart had sunk till the deepest ocean cos i know its not easy to ask her back and i know i shame her cos ppl thinks she is at fault and they told her to forgive me.thanks those ppl but i would rather do it myself.it has been a foul and unlucky week for me.i have been very down for the past few days and wat happen today made me feel even worse.i cant take the fact that i lost 3 good staff and a supervisor in a nite jus for that incident.it really reflects on my leadership.theres a saying (there are no good followers but only bad leaders)which i am 1 now cos the fact tat i didnt take care of them well that they committed tis mistakes,losing a love one at the same week cos i am the one who was at fault to sms tat girl.Y heaven is so unfair to me??Y am i in tis kind of state?Y y y???Am i really a bad lover and a bad leader?i really have doubts in me rite now.how am i going to face the ppl ard me tomoro for wat had happen tis week and my love one tat jus broke up??i am really very emo at tis moment,wat will happen next later in the nite i really dunno cos im afraid to face or have another blow cos i really cant take it anymore.i really feel like escaping from all tis but i wont cos i am a man.even if i have to wear a fake smile tomoro i have too.jus hoping she come for Lunch tis Sunday which ah-ma ask her too.i hope we can resolve many things and hhope tat u will be by my side to support me cos i really need u so much and i really cant go on alone..loneliness and sadness have been in me for the past week when will i be able to see the bright side.i wish and i hope it will come soon.

Lonliness,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Day 3 Of Misery Without Her

Its another day,jump out from bed when i saw the time was 4pm which i know i was late for work already cos i was suppose to start at 4pm.rush and left the hse by the time i reach downstairs,my hp started to ring and i answer whon the caller was Aric Tan(B1) asking where am i.i told him i was late and i know his abit disappointed cos i have never been like tat before.took a cab down to work straight,by the time i reach was already 4.45pm.which my guys were waiting for me too.feel depress but have to fake a smile infront of them.even terry and aric was there but they did not scold me neither did they raise their voice tats what worries me cos i know i disappoint them even more.drop her a msg scare that she would be late for work.time went by and by 7plus i saw her walking towards Lunar.knew she didnt eat so i told mummy Ice to help me buy a fish soup for her.hope she like it??did msg her thru out the nite but i know she was busy at times to reply.during our sms we had many doubts and ??? of the things we say.she told me not to say things so early which i really hope she explain but she didnt.time pass by slowly thru out the nite till 12.30am which there was no crowd and i was like stoning there keep on thinking of her.i really miss her badly and going crazy soon.try to escape tis misery but taking my laptop but found out its low bat.damn even laptop look down on me when i need it.started charging and stone at the same place again.watching happy couples walk by.i feel the emptyiness in me,thinking back when i was busy betting soccer or with her or for work time was not enough by tis time i was like in a different world cos there was nothing for me to do neither anyone to talk too.how come would i end up in this state..am i really fully responsible for all tis..i guess so.but wats done cant be undone the only way out was to change and wait for the chance to come again.By the time i on my laptop i tried to do my staff payroll cos time is running out and i have to hand in soon but i know i cant concentrate,try to openn my friendster and listen to the new songs i updated in it.first song was the song that she like.it made me even down but wat else can i do.all the songs were so touching and its like a everyday thing to me now to listen and to blog.nothing else is more important except her and ah ma.Been smoking more recently and my flu keep on coming which it doesnt seem to stop.wats worng with me i dont have any idea cos im like a living zombie.My life is so stagnant now it like A then B then C.Kelvin saw me sitting there he came over and ask me wat happen and i jus say i broke up and feeling down.Pass Mummy Ice the book cos she wasnt free and her break time had finished.really hope tis time she can pass her BTT.Wat abt me when will i be taking,i really have no idea cos i really dont have any mood to do anything.
Ppl make mistakes in life whether Big or small issue,should they deserve a chanceto be trusted again ?If this chance was not given will they be able to see the daylight again?If they were given a chance they will treasure it and not do it again.cos chance dont come by easily..
I was once a convict i committed many crimes and was once a flirt.but i did change for the better cos i know i hurt my love ones the most and the ppl around me.if they didnt give me a chance i would never be who i am today and wat i am.i really owe them espcially Ah-ma cos i always make her sad and worry for me alot.i regret raising my voice at her and would apologise to her once shes back frm Thailand tomoro.didnt wanted to let her know the special give abt tis blog that i made up for her till a month later but i still gave her cos theres no other way to touched her heart and i really have no way out.Everyone knows i love her alot and sacrifice alot be it time or $$$ but i dont mind and dont care cos she is the truly one i love.its not easy to come across someone u love easily.ppl out there please do cherish it b4 its gone.cos its not easy to get it back.hope she is finishing her work soon.i miss the time we spend together at home.no matter how tired or sick i am whenever she is hungry i'll make sure i'll cook for her cos i wanna fill her stomache with all my love.Well,i stop here for now and continue tomoro.wish tomoro will be a better day ahead and i'm hoping for her return soon.

Sadly Miss,

Kenneth Chan (Dear)

Day 2 Of Misery Without Her

Woke up at 3pm by this sudden reaction,1st thing when i open my eyes i saw her standing in front of me.i was happy in the first place but i know she wasnt here to see me cos she left her working clothes over and was here to get it.she was in a rush for work and by the time i get up she already change and was leaving my hse.Wat can i do or say?Words jus cant come out from my mouth cos i know watever i say now cant make her change her mind.Met up with Eddy(Jasmine Gd buddy)whom is starting work today.i was in no mood for work neither anything else but have to jus carry myself to face it.Saw her once i reach Clarke Quay and i know my day wasnt going to be a pleasant one cosppl around me will sure find out very soon wat happen to us.Wat can i do??no point of escaping but to face the ppl ard me.as night falls,saw her a few times chatting on the phone whenever she walk by with a smile on her face which seems nothing have happen,but deep in my heart i jus cant look at her straight in her face and deep down my heart i hurts and pains to see her like that.She did drop me a few sms but it was like as though she is going to start a parttime job soon telling me for her $$$ very easy earn one.which i feel tat something bad is going to begin.i'm wondering wat makes her speaks that cos i really care and dont wish that she do something foolish jus to earn that easy $$$.now that she is not with me her financial income would be a bigger burden to her as in she got to support her family and herself where will she be able to do it which i have doubts,not saying that i dont trust u but i dont wish things to happen to u.as time past i saw mummy ICE and she ask me how am i?my reply was jus a sad wan and she soon ask me things which i did told mummy that we broke up and wat really happen.i can feel she is sad for both of us but wat else can i assure mummy.by the time is 12am ppl started asking me wat happen to me and her.i feel sad and wanted to keep quiet but i know they would expect me to say something which i jus told them we broke off and i jus left without any other words.it has been a hard day for me but i know there would be more to come later in the nite.I have to face it thru and i know i cant do or change things now but to accept the fate that we broke up and left seperate ways for the time being.i really worry for her cos she is naive at times which makes me pay more attention on her.hope she will reach home safely and soundly which i know i wont be able to know till later when i see her at work.i dont even there to msg her neither call her cos i wouldnt wanna trigger her temper again.To Love Someone & Let Her Go Is Really Something Painful & Its Not Easy To Do So.Kenneth Chan tolerate and hope she will be back soon..Will end here and continue tomoro which i know tis will be the longest blogging i have ever did for the One i Love ever. Dear Dear.sweet dreams & i really miss u beside me=(

With Love
Kenneth Chan (Dear)

Day 1 Of Misery Without Her

Hours past by and i can't get myself to slp.keep on thinking of her every moment i close my eyes.listening to the songs that she always listen and found out many meanings of those songs which really relate her character and mine.i jus cant accept such ending and i have totally lost everything in life.there is nothing i look forward too now but jus slog thru my work.i cant quit neither can i get terminated cos i have a huge debt behind me to settle all involve $$$$.if i dont work and pay i'll end up delcaring bankrupt which i really cant afford to be in those state.i know its to late to say things to make her change her mind but to slowly count the days ahead that she would eventually come back.i know im foolish but this is really 1 ger i really love and given everything in tis relationship.Ah ma like her and so thus my relatives,even thou its jus a month being together but the love for her is so great that its my first time i shed tears for a gal.my heart really hurts seeing her walking out of my hse door but wat else can i do.even if i stop her things will get worse cos she is really in a unstable condition.Been smoking for the last 6hrs i guess,hw many sticks i cant really count but i know i would care much of my health now due to the fact she is no longer here.feeling the loneliness and sadness in me and i cant do anything abt it.y would things get to this state if i didnt msg another ger tis wouldnt have happen.how foolish of me and my thinking.she already given me a chance before when she jus kept quiet and still i am so stupid to have commited it again..and tis time round i really piss her off no matter how much i do or say there wasnt any response from her cos i knew her heart is really hurt by me.KENNETH CHAN YI LONG,Y are u so stupid??eventually i told myself to grab tis chance of cooling down period to start tis blog not wanting to let anyone know but only her.but i wouldnt let her know at the moment cos its not the rite time.i really hope u will come back to me 1 fine day.no matter how long it takes i will wait and win ur trust back in me.i really regret the things i have done.its already 7plus am in the morning yet i cant think of slp but thinking of her thinking abt the happy memories we had even thou its short but i know its the best among the rest of the relationship i have tat makes me wanting to cherish this relationship more.she is always worrying me due to her health cos shes been falling sick easily,now without me by her side i really hope she do take more attention of her health cos i cant be there for her at the moment.Even thou u left but still u will always be my DEAR DEAR in my heart for now and ever.*PLS TAKE GD CARE OF UR HEALTH*will end now but i will update everyday till the day she return to me even thou it will take a few months but my heart have made tis decision to wait as long as she is still not married.hope u are slping well now.

Signing of with love,

Kenneth Chan(Dear)