New YEar Eve..

Been busy thru out the week since xmas eve..well,got angry with dear dear the other day for she came home drunk and also never told me she was going FLY..hmmbut its all past and we cherish each other more in a way.time flies and its going to be 2009 already.have many wish to fulfill next year as i go many plans in mind first will be going a trip to BANGKOK with her.Yesterday went to play mahjong with her frens and chuanie.didnt expect to win almost 300..haha but to bad never get cash on the spot cos someone play spot,say never bring $$$ still dare chio us play mahjong..hope faster get $$$ from her then can book our hotel at Bangkok..guess u muz be very anxious rite??plus so long never take airplane already..hehe bringing a mountain tortoise out..bleahz.Tomoro will be a busy day for us,cos new year eve everywhere also slam but hope my dear faster end work then come home rest..cos i dont wish her to stay there then have to drink.now waiting for her to return home then slp tomoro we still gotta wake up early to go work and she gotta go out to get some golden uniform..i really find it stupid lol..well,afterall i wanna be there for my darling and love her even more so tat she wont think that i dont love her or care for her..dear dear wish us have a new year ahead.

Merry Xmas

I feel fuck up went i jus tpye finish my blog and the whole thing went off jus becos of the stupid internet connection..hmmm..xmas around the corner and will be getting busy le..it will be a happy week thru out jus that will feel sad that i cant celebrate with my darling at all but i know there will be more to come in the future year.tomoro got to go shopping with her to get soe gift for our frens and i need an exchange gift for my work place as well..i really didnt splash water on you im jus refering to the online job thingy is not reliable tats all.i dont care i wanna be no1 in you if not im gonna hang all the babies and sell it away..hahaha.well all i know is im happy with you and life like tat can le need not ask for much..hehe hope our room will be ready soon then can put alot of thing in there le but i wan u to make sure to help me clean the room as well cos i wan u to learn it not counting on me all the time can??now waiting for her to come home then can have early early breakfast le.hope next year will be a better year and fruitful year ahead for me and you cos i got alot of plans and wishes and dreams to fulfill in all and tis is my xmas gift will do..hope god can give it to me..hehe
shal stop here cos need to wait for pang nui to come home le..haha

A Day to Remember

Didnt blog for so many days already and i know u are waiting for me to write things about it.i really feel lost for wat i did..to u it maybe a stare to me its jus a glance but whether ant it doesnt matter most cos i have been given the verdict.no matter how much i swear it cant possibly change ur thinking in me.i will only lay my eyes on my dearest then anyone else i will only devour and love the person in my life which is you then others.cant u see how much u are to me till today.am i really such a kind to do such a thing.am i so dishoest for u to trust.i really respect you in everything cos we are a couple and for me im a person easy to forgive and forget and i know u have the trumph card in ur hand cos u are always in the upper hand in the relationship but i dont mind cos there cannot be 2 tigers on top of a mountain if not they will fight i know its not easy for u to forgive and forget but im not like ur ex boyfren who are those sort of ppl but im a man who respect his beloved ones.freedom is such a big word which can mean alot of things and im glad that we clear the air around us surrounding so many mysterys.i wanna be happy with u together.having the trust in each other which we wont doubt each other for the things we do.i jus wish that u can tone down alittle bit in ur attitutde towards me as a respect of a bf as wat u wanted to promise me.my life is in ur hand whether wat kind of decision u make i will jus follow cos i entrusted everything to u.whether rite or wrong i dont wish to argue but i know i wanna say sorry to u for how u feel.hope u cool down soon.u are the only one tat i cant stop loving for.

Wat Am i Looking Forward Too

Sometimes i jus dont know myself hat i wan or what i looking forward too.it really bother me at times but life still got to go on.Heard that Cannery got fight in the early evening which was 6 plus pm.hmmm,i guess Cannery is really very messy at this point of time since i left there.another shocking news was that i heard Fashion bar was taken over by another company which make me wonder is the company so easily giving away outlets that are not earning.well,it all comes down till the end whether will there still be room for me to grow in future if i stay with this company or should i expand a few routes down in case i in need of them.i'm still wondering??
My heart feels sad but words jus didnt came out of my mouth cos i dont wish to think about it neither becos of tis bother me.whether its good or bad i'll still swallow down cos i guess i have become more lowly now.The answer is out there but i didnt wanna know it,why have i been so like tat nowadays.am i living in my own world which is nothing around me is happening jus going to work and coming back.maybe thats part of life.hope i'll be able to get the part-time job soon.if im able to most of my time will be working and working jus to earn every penny.time will be against me and i'll be rushing.no matter what this is wat i need now to work and earn that money.
Weather changes people changes places changes after all im jus looking at a big picture staring at it looking for ways to solve all kinds of problems but no matter how hard i try i jus couldnt find the answer out from the picture.i guess im sickening at times and cling to you too much,and i know i maybe a pain in the ass at times but dont worry once i get a job it will change cos i will have less time for you which this is what u wan to have some free time and space for urself.time flies soon we will be going thru our 5mth together.will i ever see 5mths becoming 5yrs then 50yrs,well the fog in front of me is to misty which i myself cant see clearly but justo take every step slowly and steady.Maybe i'm jus someone passing thru this dark alley which hides many mysterious things beneath it but no matter what i wont bother cos it will do me no good in time to come.
Is Heaven fair to all people living?what a big question which i bet no one will ever know even god himself..i feel sleepy and tired already and wanna fall asleep soon.i bought papa bread for you.eat when u hungry.

Sadness in Disguise,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Loneliness

Days past yet im still in a mess.my mind is full of passion before but now i have to restart everything.seriously i dont mind to do it again but will there be a pillar supporting me thru out.Had a few tiff cos of my latness didnt mean it at all but i knew i lied cos i didnt wan u to feel angry but eventually it backfire me.am i always late??shit job i have which really make me wana look for another line to start it off but IR is around the corner which i dream and waited for,will i be able to wait till then??im sorry if i spoil ur mood going out to party with them,sudden feel the lonliness which i never felt.u say u wanna stay with me but i ask u to go cos i didnt wan u becos of me spoil the whole girls morale..i did the rite choicecos i didnt wanna be selfish.i know u wan me to join them but i didnt wan cos i wasnt in the rite mood neither would i have the spare cash to enjoy at this moment like i say i will rather stay home every off day till i settle everything which i wont mind u going out cos if u follow me that way u will feel bored.more over im a guy with no life at times and i wonder whether is it boring with me at times.after all,save the sms u send askng me to call them cos they looking for me if they really looking for me they will call me.but it would still be the same answer to them that i wont be going cos i dont wanna spoil any one mood.jus wanna to hear from u when u back home safely.sorry i cant bring u go holiday next week which i promise u and made u took leave which i feel so guilty in my heart.i feel so sorry since that day till now i havent get over it.im really tired and wanna jus lie in bed and fall into a deep sleep waking up tomoro will be another fresh day ahead..sweet dreams to everyone especially u.

Sadness in the heart,
KEnneth Chan(DEAR)

Have to work harder than Before

Times past and i know i have to work extremely hard for the $$$ i owe and time to really wake up my idea.i have been thinking of how to earn $$$ fast but never thought of how to earn $$$ the rite way using hardship as a tool in my life.May this lesson will be a stepping stone for me not to commit all this mistake in life as well as let me taste the feeling of hardship.i wont mind wat ppl are going to say or gossip about me cos i know i wont run away from my mistake and im willing to work harder to repay every thing i owe.its going to be a long road ahead till i clear all this stuff,even if i have to eat lesser slp lesser work more and not going out or buy things i dont mind.but hope wat i told you,you will remember and be more positive about life and work things out for urself and me as well.every penny i spend will be a a secong thought from today onwards cos i wish to faster and shorten my time frame for better purposes in life that i look forward to with.i may be foolish in the way i do but its the past and dont wish the matter to be brought up neither fault urself.time is clicking and there are many things waiting for me to start doing.all i know i feel sorry for the ppl around me that i let down and especially myself.i will use my hands to clear all this mess i created.watever plans i made for the coming year have to be postpone,i will not want anything from anyone during this period of revival round cos i dont wish u to spend anything on me cos i got watever i need already.i want u to save up watever $$$ u earn.and really look forward u and linda doing ur clothes thingy online..other then tat i will not make any plans.u may seem that im alrite this few days but deep down im thinking of how to solve and work things out.im sorry that my facial expression cant tell u cos i dont wan u to feel worry or stress about all this.thats y in front of u i am so call happy but behind of me feels alot of sadness and worries which words jus cant express out from me.as long as i breathe and my limbs are functioning i will jus do watever i can.Will u be there for me and go thru tis period of low down season...tats all i ask for leading a very very simple life with no worries and only happiness truly understanding wat life is all about and y did man kind have always ups and down..thanks for everything u given me my dear..i love u,with all my heart.

With faith
Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

You are not Another Girl In MY Life

Been few days since i blog again busy with things,started betting soccer again jus won $200 to survive the week till pay day if not i dunno how to survive at all.i hope to win more so that i can clear my debts.dear im sorry for gambling but tats the only way to clear and give us a future if there is one.cos like wat u say u got a choice to leave me or to stay by me..but all i can say you are not another girl in my life but the one i love from the day i knew u till the day i die.it may seems easy to say but its the truth in my heart.trust is slowly build upon like even now i believe u cant trust me fully too.i dont think we are complicated its jus that you think too much abt earning $$$,give urself sometime cos u are still young earning is amount now is really better then many ppl ur age.as for me im 24 and my income is really low jus imagine u lose me by abit only..$$$ cant earn finish one and when u rush to do things jus for seeing the money come in the faster it will crumble.its the same meaning as the faster u climb the faster u fall.hope you understand this,im not saying u cant do it but learn the basics before going further.i know you can have alot of suiters better then me out there thats why i count myself lucky to have u..which is why i treasure you alot maybe not to the extend of what u wan.lookiing at the LV bag u wan i know its hard for me to get it for u but i will slowly save $$$ to buy it only if u are able to wait.i really wish to give u the best but i know it will never make u feel enough cos girls are always girls.even though i never get to see u much often but i wanna treasure every moment spend with you..i really hope 1 day we can go see dentist then book car theory and repair hp and batam trip and see HDB flats together may i wish to see all this in the present or near future with u but its all in ur choice now.but i kenneth chan yi long have never met any other girls being with you for the past few months cos i believe in the relationship and dont wish to spoil it.Fatty Bom Bom,i hope now u will understand me.

You Will Always Be In My Heart

Been a few days since i blog was busy cos of events happening at cafe del mar.been 2 weeks since i and lao po having not the same off day but didnt mind cos i know we are makin time for each other still.times flies so fast been with her for almost going to 5mths le.happy thru out this relationship even though at times we quarrel but its alrite cos have to give and take at times can see that she change alot caring more for her family also which is a good thing.her parents treat me very nice cook and even do special drinks for me cos i working under the sun for more than 8 hrs.cant wait to attend chuanie wedding with her and also going holiday as well.dear dear i really miss u alot during my work times even though its jus a few hours but it seems like a few days.im sorry for making u angry jus now but i didnt mean it and hope u understand that i was trying to solve some lateness issue for the staff.please let us not say the break up word again cos in my heart there is only u no one else.i will promise u to settle my debts soon so tat we can enjoy life i know u suffer alot this few months and i feel sorry tat i cant give u much ike last time but it will pass soon.really happy to see u tat day at cafe del mar even though i didnt spend much time with u but i really aprreciate it.darling will always be darling it will never change the fact.now waiting for time to pass so tat i can see u and hug u to bed again.hope time flies fast so tat we can see each other..love u my fatty bom bom..hehe

With Love,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Meaningful Song

(男) 明年这个时间 约在这个地点
(女) 记得带著玫瑰 打上领带系上思念
(男) 动情时刻最美 真心的给不累
(女) 太多的爱怕醉 没人疼爱 再美的人也会憔悴
(男) 我会送你红色玫瑰
(女) 你知道我爱流泪 你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女) 未来的日子有你才美 梦才会真一点
(女) 我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男) 我不撤退 你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合) 我愿意这条情路相守相随 你最珍贵
(男) 动情时刻最美 真心的给不累
(女) 太多的爱怕醉 没人疼爱 再美的人也会憔悴
(男) 我会送你红色玫瑰
(女) 你知道我爱流泪 你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女) 未来的日子有你才美 梦才会真一点
(女) 我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男) 我不撤退 你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合) 我愿意这条情路相守相随 你最珍贵
(男) 我会送你红色玫瑰
(女) 你知道我爱流泪 你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女) 未来的日子有你才美 梦才会真一点
(女) 我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男) 我不撤退 你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合) 我愿意这条情路相守相随 你最珍贵

Rough Times

Going thru a rough time which i know many things its beyond my control .Am i really going to jus be myself?Y do i get jealous and paranoid at times?Dont i did or show enough to love?Am i really such stupid or idiot?many questions linger in my mind which i dunno how to break the ice i know if i ask or do,you may think i dont trust or care about you which ends up making you either sad or angry with me but the truth is i didnt mean it,i just wan a assurance for certain things.im not complaining or gossiping jus wanna be frank towards each other.i dont wish you to think im doing things behind ur back cos i really never y i never reason very simple cos i love you and i dont wish to lose you for stupid things..im willing to be your everything but are you ready to accpet me rite now in this state and personality?you say i will regret 1day but wat makes you think i will regret cos i know i wouldnt unless you do things behind me then tat will be my greatest regret but i know you wont.you ask me will i leave you 1 day,i say i will never leave you cos my heart is implanted into yours unless you did something seriously wrong that i really cant forgive you.i may see girls but the eyes is jus natural i cant stop it either but all i can say im yours now and forever.i dont mind being poor but i know i use my own hands to earn money then doing things tat are wrong.i live up to my name and will never do stupid things.sometimes i wonder is it i always do foolish things to get u angry or sad but i really didnt notice and bother cos i know the person in my heart is you but i understand y cos you care and love me,for me its the same cos i care and love you.i jus wan our relationship to be honest and frank cos i know sometimes u scare me see wat ppl sms you then i may get jealous thats y you delete it away but will that be better or will it make me think that you are hiding things from me.im sorry to say that way like i dont trust you like tat but i do trust you tats y i didnt bother at times.cos i trust you tat you wont do things behind me.all i ask for is jus you and me in our own world not letting ppl step in and not letting others disturb us.i jus wann a simple life with you not full of mystery.dear dear hope you see tis already you know wat i actually mean and dont get mad cos i am jus speaking my mind out.dont take it as you made me into tis state but think of how u can be there for me when i need you,wat happen has past so dont look back and let it bother you jus look ahead seeing the bright future we will have.i will be never happy alone and without you cos you are my everything.i jus hope that i can enter ur group of frens knowing them then rather guessing who they are,making me your top piority then others.do i really ask too much?sry if i say anything wrong or you dont like to hear or see but i really jus never mean anything jus speaking my mind..cos you are that that very very important to me.

UR FAT PIG ALWAYS,
KEnneth Chan (DEAR)

Quote of the Day

I was staring on my cellphone and wondering what is the best words to express how i feel, but i couldnt find one because u have occupied my mind all the time...
all that i know is, im thinking of you

Understanding Each Other

Another day at work.got to know the news of the S pass Holder some which got terminated and i really feel sad about the matter but life still got to goes on eventually for 3 of them a job so tat they can stay on but for the rest i cant help much cos time is rushing and we are having a recession period not much company would pay that much to hire them..went down Toa Payoh on Tues to buy some stuff but got attitude by dear dear cos she feel tired and i stll drag her out from home..i dont blame her cos i feel tat i didnt thought about her feelings but things were oka after we were at there..bought few things and dear dear saw a cosmetic that she like but i ask her not to buy cos its expensive but eventually thought of giving her a surprise so went down before work on wed to get it for her.hope she will treasure it and like the surprise even though its nothing much but meant from the heart.went straight home after tat..haha last nite her bro got for me the Red Alert 3 game so waited till this morning then try it.went to have supper with her after my work and then straight away went home and lie flat on bed dunno y did i feel so tired but i know its very comfy..hehe,woke up at 10am by her jus acc her eat bread which i dont mind cos i feel happy the moment i saw her so lively but knew she didnt sleep at all thru out the night and after which we went straight back to sleep till 4pm when i woke her up.saw her hp sms which was frm tis customer and i feel jealous tat moment didnt mean to see her hp de,i know u love me alot same goes for me jus that at times im afraid of losing u to those ppl..well anyway everything is over st=ettle our worries and at least its another learning view for me and to her to let her know how much she is to me..went to work and the event had started and the whole place was like upside down..hmmm but jus carry on with it till it ended at 11pm.wondering how is my dear dear did she eat her dinner,is she busy,did anyone bully her..well,really wish to see her soon cos i really miss her badly and its like we cant be seperated even a few hours..haha tats how close we are to each other..next week onwards will be a busy week ahead till year end due to the events line up and i already request to work next week nite so tat i can have time to pei her thru out the day..hope things will move smoothly ahead cos im awaiting for our trip to Genting and also chuanie wedding..sure will be a fun load ahead.now waiting to kill time till i finish work at 4am then faster rush home to see her..well,shall end here and continue it tomoro..jus wanna say dear dear no mater wat u r the most beautiful GF i ever had and i wont wanna lose u to other ppl cos my heart belongs to you le.

With Love,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Its A Nua Day=)

Yesterday off stay at home with Dear Dear nua the whole day only went out for dinner and retrun home to nua again.haha mission accomplish home she like it..hmmm sorry dear if u still feel angry about the pics but i didnt mean to put it there jus that i really never realise i didnt delete all never do it on purpose to hurt u de..now i very hungry le but dear dear still slping so wait till she wake up then bring her go eat and make her specs but now have to check on the thailand trip see whether its worth to go ant le..Lao Po i love u very much..hehe

You Will Always Be In My Heart

Woke up early met Darling for breakfast at mcdonalds,really happy to see her cos i really miss her very badly.it was jus a mere 30mins seeing each other cos i got to go work.had a long day at work cos there was a event held in Cafe Del MAr today at 3pm..wat SGH family Day.the whole place was crowded today cos of the event also the public ppl who came down to tan or drink.was working alone in the bar cos not enough staff so jus do wat i can for the event but the ppl like never drink before do how much they jus drin how much they can like that..hoping she is having a goodrest at home and dreaming of me lol..lao po sorry didnt sms u sweet sweet sms cos i was busy all the way..aftet work went down to Clarke Quay and buy darling dinner cos she havent eat..then chit chat with regular customer and greg at clinic till 10pm when i went home straight..now the only think can do is watch tv till i doze off ten wake up can see her for breakfast le..cant wait to spend my day with her after tat..love u darling very much.we will be going Genting cnt wait to faster come cos i need a break with her together ..hehe

In My Mind,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Sweet Things Wil Never End

Woke up at 9.30am for work at 11am tis morning saw her sleeping so soundly and sweet didnt bother her went to get ready for work had breakfast cos her mum bought it and were chit chatting with them can see tat i really enter her family and doesnt really feel shy cos get use to it le..After which she woke up as i was about to leave work.see me off at the door step and off i went for work.listening to the songs in my hp as usual on my way to work.reach workplace and had to prepare notes for the staff who will be attending my english lesson later at 4pm.did my email acc up.dear dear call me and was surprise cos was thinking that she was sleeping but told me she keep coughing and cant get to slp told her to see a doc but she doesnt wan cos i know how stubborn she is so chat with her till she was tired and when to bed.continue with my training till 8pm and then at last i got my time to sms her..told me her off day was diff from mine and my heart suddenly sank cos i knew the next few days i wont be able to see her now it had to drag another few more days.and was wondering wat am i going to do on my Off day without her i feel so sad bt knew if i ask her to change i will be disturbing her work and also many things.well i guess i cant change mine.life is always full of ups and downs and we have to go thru it in order to make us strong.after work went home was expecting her to call or sms but seems like she is really busy.well,i know its hard on her side tats y i dont wish to disturb her but jus left quietly for home.sms when i got home and surfing the net now for our hoilday trip next month and hope everything went smooth so tat we can go.but rite now i worry that the melvin will not allow her to take leave during the december season.waiting for kenneth yang to eturn my psp cos he really drag so long till i really piss off already wats best is sms him dunno how to reply.havent seen lao po for the whole day and i really miss her alot even though its easy to say but it really meant it deep down my heart and i know its not going to be easy the coming few days due to our work..i really hope things can go the way we wanted so tat i can at least spend a day with her cherishing every moment with her.really worry for my lao po cos she sometimes really dunno whether she is sick and still continue working then also the ppl there are so sly till drag her to drink which her problem is she cant drink if ot she will feel sick easily..Lao po i really miss u and also love u till the end of time..well im really tired and need to hae my sleep cos im working 9am later in the morning hope everything is alrite at her side..

With Love,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Contented with What I Have In My Life

Had a wonderful 2days of OFF.spend my time with my beloved wife to be thru out the 2days.Mon went to town for a walk and shop abit till end up a little india there had to walk to bugis there saw chuanie..haha such a small world..after that had dinner and return home early cos i and dear dear didnt sleep well the last few days.Tue went to Underwater World at Sentosa which i promise my lao po to bring her there..visit many place at Sentosa..haha was a very funny outing but i guess my lao po and i enjoy it thru out..had dinner with her and eddy at Waraku Pasta at Central..hate the service there will never ever go bck there.after which make our way to meet bro jon and gf to play mahjong.end up losing but dont really matter cos the bond btw me and my darling is there which this is wat i wanna see only..left at 2am for home which still got to pack clothes and stuff..haha going to fall alseep already,Wed work late shift but went down officee early to settle all the HR doc and left for work..like being SABO cos im the only one working night so jus carry on with my work and taking care the staff..haha time past by fast and soon close already..went down wait for my darling finish work..

Love u,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Always Be My Lao Po =)

Lao Po came down wait for me finish work and then we went to catch the movie The Coffin which really damn stupid and rather cheap production which really waste the $$$ to watch guess alot ppl also kana cheated by this show..haha return home and had a great time .Lao po help me do my face.fall alseep once she done it which i guess i was really tired and need to wake up early for work a 9am but the worse thing is i feel bad that she didnt sleep cos she scare i cant wake up or be late wok..end up staying awake the whole night and watch over me..Lao Po thanks alot woke up at 7.30am and she made coffee for me which i was really touched.left the house and went to work.were discussing about our Treat to have a good dinner together at 1 of the hotels but yet to decide which hotel first to eat.wrok was smooth thru out the day and the boys from CLinic came down to party..they spend quite alot and dranks alot till some were really to high..today i kana suan cos thought going to rain yet in the end never rain made me MALU cos i shifted some guest in to the alfresco area..kana call Big Cannon..haha was talking to randy after work till time to go down Clarke Quay find Bebe cos i guess she havent eat too like me..Had Dinner and Supper at Coffee Club and was given a 20% discount cos they knew i was from Clinic.had more hen 15 ppl who went down which made mesee the team spirit..waiting for my Bebe to finish work at 5am then fetch me go home ..hope time faser paa by so i can see her le..

Really Being Miss,
KEnneth Chan (DEAR)

I Love U More Than Words Can Say..

Time past and been a wonderful days that i had went thru.work was good and so thus my relationship with my Lao Po.Been staying at her place this few days after my work and going to work from her place.her family was quite alrite with me staying over which i dont feel awkard neither afraid cos we can along quite well nowadays..best thing is her mother waited for me at void deck and chit chat on the way to work which made me feel nervous but getting use to it le..haha been sleeping less but im okay and i rest assure you my darling tat if i really tired i will let u know pls dont feel like it ur fault..many things u done may think tat its snall or not important but i can say i saw it all and really appreciate and feel touched so i dont wan you to blame urself tat u never did anything for me at all..planning our trip to either taiwan or thailand cos her mum talk to us and they will be going for a trip early next year and ask us to join.will be considering cos have to seek leader permission..feel sad for some staff at Clinic cos they are leaving due to the fact tat they were not happy about certain things..finish work early today cos i change my roster with michelle if not dunoo how to spend time with her..went to watch Coffin and i can say its a Fcuk up show with no head or tail and its like wasting money to watch after tat came home and rest ocs i got to wake up earky tonoro for work..hmmm cant wait till we are Offf this week then can really spend more time together..hehe wanna tell my darling that i wan to thank her for the things she did..love u my Dear..

Very Important Person,
Kenneth Chan (Dear)

Quote of the Day

I want to make you smile as you make me.
I wish you saw my thoughts right through my eyes.
You ask me what I'm thinking.
I can't tell you.

You are the stars, and I the empty skies.
In me there is a yearning ever flowing
That needs to reach an end that never comes.
I cannot be myself without you with me.

This is a truth no wisdom ever plumbs.
You laugh, and say that I'm your personal angel,
And this is what I want so much to be.
The beauty of my life is like a passion
That blows right through the person that you see.

Sweet Things Wil Never End

Been few days since i blog guess to the tiredness and also was with my dear dear thru out then didnt wanna let her see..well getting use to my new job but only thing is theres many things and the culture i have to learn there.other then tat spend my time with my Lao po at her home for the past few days checking out many things about ROM and Hotels and Outdoor event..really looking forward for our big day so i have to really start saving every cent down to earth that i can give her the best wedding a girl should have.Saturday tok Mc and spend with her and eddy going out to some place went to marina for dinner then went over to KazBar where Remus waswroking and had wat we wanted for quite sometime ShiSha.haha plus some drinks which he ENT us so only paid the ShiSha took many pics but to bad BEBE havent teach me how to upload it to my blog..haha went home early about 12am cos we were all so tired cos never slpet enough the past few days.slept early then after tat woke up before going to work.Sunday was Eve of Deepavali so work till 4am and then went over to Bro Jon hse play mahjong 2 rounds and i and Dear Dear lost $250 but never mind thats covered for by Norman,her sis sent me a sms which i really touch cos i really did my part as in staying at her place tis few days..didnt slp cos have to work at 11am so jus nice game end i went to work straight and Dear Dear went home to slp.but had a small tiff over some issue which we promise each other not to bring it up again cos we should be happy with each other rite now then thinking about the past.work thru out and was like a security guard cos today alot of Blangedesh workers came to Sentosa and they were all over the place till i damn fuck up cos have to keep asking them to leave till i pua siao and keep shouting at them like gangster.till they move away..stand out at the sun from 12pm til 4pm and it was damn bloody hot till i damn siao cos never slept the day before and wasnt use to it also..lucky it did rain after 4pm but no point cos i look so dark and got sunburn already..hmmmm..didnt eat lunch till 5plus 6pm cos still busy and customer cant stand the face of the blacks looking at them like never see girls wear bikini before..alot of trouble la..knew i was getting the ache here and there after standing so long and walking up and down chasing them away.jus looking forward to finish work quickly and go home bathe then wait for DEar DEar finish her work then can see her le..miss her very badly.i agree to wat she say we really to use to each other.and hope it will continue years down the road.Dear many things i say u may not believe but its the truth and i may not put it in a rite way to say out maybe im dumb in r/s..now waiting for u to come and hug me and care for me after a day of hell and sun..hehe

Muacks,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Contented with What I Have In My Life

When over Dear Dear house yesterday and pei her the whole day.Slept over at her house and spend as much time as i can with her.went Xing Wan at nite to have supper and talk about many things and the future for us.i will never run away,cos i really wanna make u fully mine and be happy together..i know you or me will be sad at times as we cant see each other often,trying my best to faster solve this problem.soon we will be together everyday le..I will make sure i plan our ROM and things nicely cos its once in as life time for us..thinking later i have to work and u off i very sianz cos we going to miss each other but promise after work will come over find u k..dear dear like ur shoutout says,ONE AND ONLY..to me its the same u are the ONE AND ONLY de..love you so so so much till heaven also cannot stand me..hahaha

Thinking Badly About You

Had been working thru out tis whole weekend and yesterday work late 5pm till 1am then continue my zombie shift for today from 10am till 7pm.was quite tiring but time past fast and i know if i can convert to perm morning i will be able to work a part time nite job to save more money for wat ever plans we have in mind.well lucky can change off day if not i really dunno how to spend time with her.really miss her alot and badly but lucky jus not got to go down cannery to see her if not i guess i will go crazy.its not easy at times to understand wat u thinking cos at first talking about ROM and stuff to prepare now u tell me u scare of this and that i really need u to have trust in me that things will jus work out fine my dear.u jus need to relax abit more maybe y u tense up is because u didnt get enough rest tis few days and i dont blame u.dear dear hope wat u sms me will come true cos im looking forward to it with u.getting tired but know i have many assignments in hand to check and find out.well jus hope time flies past soon and i will be able to see u soon..lao po i really love you alot.

With care,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Facts and Truth of Life-2

Well,firstly i wanna sy sorry to my Lao po andfor wat had happen.didnt wish things to go this way but since it did i dont wish to say much either but to swallow it down and tolerate it for the time being but really wish to faster get out of the box and live a better life with u.lucky got to change my off day with someone if not i will be damn miserable cos i only got a day off and wanna spend it with my dearest Lao Po.no matter how bad.Heaven is treating me rite now i dont bother neither care even if the world is going to meet its end i jus wanna spend my precious last moment with u and only u nothing can come between us.never will i wan u to worry about things like wat bikini babes or so ever cos i know myself well nothing can distract me from u cos u gave in alot and taken many hardship which u may think its small but to me its a different kind of view.i know i will miss u badly but everything will pass by soon.i really wish to be there everything for you.Hope time will pass soon and see you later in the evening.Wanna tell u from Lao Po,I LOVE YOU DEEP DEEP.going to sleep now cos later have to wake up early for work.sweet dreams and sleep tight

With faith in us,
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Love You Very Very Much

Today was a day since 3yrs back that i started so early in the morning.seeing Dear Dear so drunk my heart hurts and really blame those ppl for forcing her to drink,hope she knows how to really turn them down cos you cant drink after drinking you will fall sick and all the syptoms will start coming back.woke up and fetch her frm below before preparing myself for work left the house around 8.30am.sawing her sleep so peacefully didnt wanna wake her up and tell her im going to work.been a long and tiring day for me as i reach there at 10am and started to prepare for the private function for 500pax.The sun was killing me so hot lol..everything when smoothly and was helping here and there even looking after the door like a door bitch and even life guard looking after the kids in the foam pool.hmmm,after all it rain and we quickly got to packed everything not letting it get wet but myself and the guys were all wet to the max..but tis is life in cafe del mar.got to get use to it.after the event there was dinner crowd followed by ppl packing the beach and was not able to leave till 10.30pm.legs really sore and my muscle really aches for its really not a easy job there.Really admire the staff cos they really are as hard working as the family in Clinic.Keep on missing Lao po and really wish to see her soon.Was thinking of staying to help the team but im really exhuasted by the sun and the rain in the afternoon.if not i'll stay to help them till closing.sorry guys...slept thru out the Mrt journey home.tat was how tired i am.hoping to see them later in the early afternoon as well as morning when i can see my Lao po le..really tis time round we intend to get ROM next year so have to slowly get ready and break the news out to our beloved frens and co workers..looking forward to the day we sign the papers and i help u wear our rings.well,guess i'll stop here cos i need a nap before my dear dear comes home.

With lots of Love
Kenneth chan (DEAR)

Quote of the Day

All I ever wanted is in you:
Love, laughter, a pillow for my fears.
I want to give and to be given to
So I might feel myself flow through the years
Alive in you, the wonder of my tears.

Lying Back In Life-2

Been few days since i blog cos was quite busy for the time as i went over to cafe del mar and got myself to get use to there.Had a celebration last nite for my guys at Clinic bid me farwell and they bought me a cake also spray water at me and dunp me into the cold water with dry ice.it was sad to leave them but i got no other choice in life.i have to tolerate and go thru all tis,wat makes me worry is still her cos i love her very very much.First day of work already quite boring cos there was nothing to do and the staff there are so demolirise even told me they wan to quit..hmmm hope i tranfer there can make them cheer up abit more after wat they went thru b4 Adrian didnt task me anything except being a teacher to the china staff for i have to give them tuition.the place maybe be boring cos there nothing for me to do and all jobscope has been done by the rest of the supervisor but still i wanna learn from them cos its different in cannery and also help them out.this is my new home and i need to observe for the time being and try to beautify the place and also the ppl there.it may not be easy but im determine to do it.after work tis few days went over to cannery to wait for my lao po finish work and also see how things Clinic are my heart is still there and nothing can ever change it.im glad tat my guys bonding is strong cos i dont wish to see anyone leave the place.jus hoping time pass fast cos looking forward to Sunday when i can see the whole team at Cafe Del Mar and also my dear dear is going down to visit me i feel so honour and happy.this few days have been raining and the sales there is not good compare to a small outlet like Clinicit may be quite rundaown but i will think of a way out to deal some maintenance issue.Cafe del Mar is really indeed independent cos theres no near family outlet near them and they have to fend for themselves many things i may not know but i will slowly get to know the details and also the operations standard.As for the staff there will really need to talk to them and make them feel homely cos i think they are like Clinic staff need the motivation and team work cos they are not singaporeans mostly from other countries.Tomoro event is at 11am and i need to go in early to help them hope it will be busy so tat time will pass by fast.Thinking of you every moment my dear dear i really miss u very badly and hope the moment i open my eyes i can see u and it will brigthen my day and me.Dear u r the one and only one in me and nothing can replace it.I LOVE U.Muacks..going to bed now cos have to wake up at 8am and be there at 10am.sigining off with alot alot of love.thanks you u guys for seeing me off and celebrate it with me hope we can work again soon.

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Reasons Why I Love You

The Smell of your hair
The taste of your kiss
These are the things
That I will always miss
The sound of your voice
The feel of your hand
They affect me in ways
You could never understand
The love in your heart
The peace in your eyes
They make me feelLike
I want to cry
You are a gift
That God gave to me
And I can just feel
That we are meant to be
I'll love you forever
I hope you do too
For it's only a short while
Before we say "I do"

Lying Back In Life

Been rushing all my paper works and stuffs to be handed over to the new manager coming cos i'll be transfer to Cafe Del Mar soon.times really fly past so quickly been in Clinic for almost 2yrs and now im starting a new enviroment.was of yesterday slept till 5plus in the evening before i awake then left the house to Clarke Quay with Lao Po for waffle and strudels cos we craving for it..haha join romeo and the rest of the staffs and co workers at Clinic for a drink and it really surprise me that my supporters are there and everyone was like debating abt the whole thingy..never did i care much but jus hear them say it out.by the time its 12am left them and proceed with eddy and lao po to kovan 212 to have steak..knew my schedule in CDM its a 6 days work week and i am working 2pm till 10pm tis whole week end..haizz..sianzz..boring..today will be my last day in Clinic and i know many things awaits me to handover and do before i left Clinic.i really hope my guys will stay on strong without me u guys can still do it.prove it to me and i await good news to flood to CDM so tat i'll be proud of u guys never be sad cos life is always full of ups and downs.and lastly for me Lao po i love u very much even though at times i may not show out but deep down my heart i really do.i wish next year we can ROM and be happy thru out our life.need u to tolerate abit cos our working life will be diff but we are still staying together.will going to miss u at times during work but i know in my heart u always be there for me..

With Love and Care,
Kenneth Chan(LAO GONG)

New Work Place.

Really sad to receive a news that i'll be going to Cafe Del Mar on the 15th of tis month its so sudden and i also receive a final warning letter for i didnt report the case tat happen and neligence in work which got me into so much problems.i dont have a option either i go or i resign from tis company.there are many factors i need to consider cos Cafe del Mar pose as a great challenge to me and also another stepping stone in life.The other part i cant bare to part from Clinic cos i have been ther for almost 2yrs and the staffs there are great.really makes me wonder y did they made such a decision for me.i really thank my staffs for the support they given me thru out tis 2yrs at Clinic they really put in so much hard work tat really many cant be seen except when u are there with them challenging the waves.they are my eart and soul for Clinic.i know they cat bare to see me leave as well but in life we have to carry on wat we are aiming for if not u will just stuck there like a sitting duck.time is racing towards me and i dont really have a clear picture of how my new outlet is like and the system there is but i have to find out more in order not to lose my title and face towards the new staffs im going to face.i really appreciate Clinic staff howeer i know i cant bring them over.hang on and i will sought things out in how we can work together again.as for my personal life everything is going well.love my lao po alot and i know she feel sad and worry for me at the same time cos we wont get to see each other often and also she is worried that i will keep eyeing on the bikini babes there which i wanna tell her my heart only have her and wish tat when she is free do come there find me cos i know i will be bored plus maybe counting coconut trees there.Tis huge challenge awaits me which my days are numbered.i tried my best not to shad a tear in front of them cos i know if i do so they will do the same and things will take a different point of view.Went to do my tattoo on thurs which is still not completed yet but doesnt really bother cos i got more important things to see into now..trying to find more things abt there thru the net and ppl working there but it seems there little known abt it.dear dear i love u alot and hoe we can ROM 1 fine day when both of us are in the rite state of mind.

Love U..
Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Happy Days Ahead..

Its been a few days since i blog.been quite busy doing many things with Dear Dear cos celebrate her birthday and also meet the parents session.so stress lol,haha but manage to click with them well.hmmm,hope dear dear like the present i bought for her.well things when well thru out my AL days but also worry for my outlet cos no one is there to guide them as well.Mos and Kandi Bar close le so guess many rearrangement of staff plus when i always not around they will always get into unneccesary troubles with the management.well woke up early and settle the unsettle business which its really hurts and heartache but we knew there will be other times ahead.now jus wan her to be happy and not think anything else.Celebrate her dad birthday today with her family and chatted with them the 2nd time guess i did nade a good impression for both myself and her.thou i may not have much $$$ left but dont wanna bother much as long as both of us is happy can le.now jus wanna relax with her thru my AL b4 i start to chiong my work again..happy days ahead for s my lao pao..

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Always Be My Baby=)

Met jasper and frens for coffee on my off day talk alot cos long time never see them plus many other things till about 3am waiting for dear finish work then go back home together.Woke up early cos dear not feeling well brought her down tosee docor but too many ppl seeing so she pei me go cut my hair at the saloon.after that went home get ready for work but send her to her place there then she went to see doctor herself cos i rushing for time to go office collect my staff cheques.went down for work and rush to do finish my staff schedule cos going for leave already..at last long time never taken my leave but not going overseas till Janaury which i promise her andshall not change our mind..time pass by as normal and dear went over shelle place for mahjong eventually she win only $7..hahaha so cute of her but as long as she enjoy her time can le.Aric email me a thing regarding some bible stuff but can understand wat he wanna tell me.cos i dont like ppl to beat ard the bush rather he be direct to me.well,Mos clsing tomoro for renovation and was lke a hell day cos they did a very cheap promo to sell of as my btls as possible.Zack Chua came down find me and brought them to Mos for a drink long time never see him since our last reservice camp..hope everything will go smoothly wit out my presence cos im afraid they migt cause uncessary problems.anyway will try to help them even thou i wont be around but will stilll be reachable.eyes feel like closing le maybe im tired of work and think to much of the Qs,Aric asked me earlier on.wanna stop le cos i wanna jus lie on bed and dream.dear still not feeling very well but i cant help much so try to spend time and ubderstanding to each other.will stop here but dear dont forget to eat ur med..let nature takes it course..

Restless,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Thinking Badly

Wasnt really busy yesterday even though it was hari raya eve..not many crowd have time to call dear and talk to her when she brought her siblings to eat dinner at geylang.eventually settle quite a no of things and i know time is coming and she will be abit scare have to be there for her at all times cos i dont wish her to feel alone neither think other things.had a very heavy rain which i guess stop the crowd from coming to Clarke Quay.receive dear dear call at 2am in the morning almost finishing work and she was crying was worried wat happen and she said she had 2 bad dreams when she was lsping,try to comfort her down and did tell her to wait for me finish work and go over her place to pick her home cos i know she not stable and feel scare.finish work rush down to her place but she was like slping so didnt know wat to do then call eddy join me for breakfast at the same time hoping she will wake up..eventually she did so let her eat breakfast b4 we went home to slp early,wake up at 12pm cos promise dear dear to go Tangs as its their last day 20% store wide offer.haha but turn out to be not all bought her makeup and things which we got only a rebate of 12%.which we feel kana cheated but wat to do buy le then it maybe heart pain abit cos no discount but no matter wat she like it can le.went to wisma atria food court eat lunch which i kana slaughter by tis stupid mixed rice store charge me 2 meat 2 veg for $7.10.which i freaking piss off never will i go back eat that store le.walk around orchard till time to go for work but kana slash again..tis time by my dear dear for hagen daz ice cream..haha very funny day lol but everything was fine and looking forward for her bday which still no idea wat can i get for her wor..thinking hard rite now and waiting for her to come home cos she feeling sick again..

With Care,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Tiring day

My day started out with a quarrel with her due to some unforseen things happening i didnt blame her for i knew her attitude did change for the last few days.im sorry the things i have done to u for wat u r now.it hurts me to see her cry when i was with her cos i knew she care alot and misunderstand each others conversation.i didnt mean it and it jus slip my tongue to say somethings which shouldnt be said.knew she havent eaten so bought her fish soup cos tis few days i can see her craving for soupy stuff..i really did pay attention to all ur needs and care but maybe its not obvious enough for u to realise it.i hope u did eat the food i bought.time pass and the F1 race started,clinic was fill with many ppl and i have to step into the bar and help thru out the nite.it was really tiring cos i and my staffs were so tired since the last 2days of slam but still we made it thru and the sales was more then wat we expect even thou its a 1 for 1 drink thingy.didnt have time to msg her cos was too busy till i really cant cope with it at times.ppl were lie jus coming to the Bar as if we were giving free drinks like tat.time did past fast but i sweat and cut myelf during work.it hurst me the moment i saw her cry like tat cos i was the one to be blame for all the cause i made.customers were jus so happy thru out till at times i have to handle them and almost fight.the bar stocks were so fast finishing till i got to borrow from Lunar.no one wa there to help us as we have to fend for ourself tis is how selfish ppl are in life which i cant be bothered.tis is the first time we ever slam till the amount of sales have never happen b4 in Clinic.helping to faster pack up cos she was waiting for me and running a fever.soon as i finish i rush her to the cab and proceed home cos she is really sick tll she cant walk properly.reach home faster make her slp and continue my paper work and sales summary for terry cos he will need it later at the same time ordered my stocks and send it out.i feel very tired whole body is aching but life still got to go on.i really wan a normal life with her and make her happy not making her cry again and also hurting her using words that never should it be said.my hands are shivering cos of the dtons of 1 for 1 drinks i made.my eyes are really tired and rite now seeing her sleeping properly i feel at ease and wanna turn into bed and see her sleep so soundly.i really care for u alot and sorry to make u mad at times.didnt mean it.no matter how many times i say sorry it cant be cure but left a mark on u.later have to wake up and bring her for her checkup.i really need some rest now.sweet dreams my dear and hope u will feel better soon.

Love You,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Busy Days

Had 2 busy days straight in a row which is cause by the F1 in SG.Due to that had a open dance floor for the 2days and was like hell broke lose.ppl keep asking for tables and placing drinks order at the bar didnt have time to go toilet and was angry at times cos the staffs didnt really know wat they ere doing but i cant blame them cos they are new.but really wan to thank them in another way cos they made miracle which i have never seen before in Clinic where the sales shot up like no tomoro.thanks guys for the hard work and effort u guys put in.know everyone was tired after 2 days of hell.will be on leave next week but it seems very diff cos i wont know whether i will go overseas with her or jus stood in SG,due to the fact she may not be able to take leave but wat to do i still have to clear my leaves.everytime its month end im really worried cos when i get my pay most of it is out to pay everything.i really hate it cos i have never been so worse in my life but life still got to carry on and for her i wont mind being broke but the Qs still lies in her whether she mind if im broke which i do really worry alot??whole bobdy aching since i reach home and i know i have to carry on working cos today is the lastt day of F1 and ppl will celebrate after that.She went home last nite cos of the crocoaches at my place which i may find it normal but she told me it can fly which i know its not normal.know i wont be able to catch it and if i dont catch it she wont come home..guess tats the end of it cos i did try my best but cant find it at all..really need to move everything out to wipe and clean the place.she to ld me things which i really never misunderstand her cos i know she tired and stuff.so much hard work put in to see the sales for Clinic but no one up there really appreciate which makes me wonder all they care is Lunar and Yue??dont tell me their sales is damn good till it cant be compare?no matter wat i saw the opening of clinic club i saw the downfall of it and i saw the process of changing clinic till wat it is today i really did many things out but none was really appreciated wonder when willl i see the light of Clinic when will it shine and ppl will start noticing it.realy tired of doing so much but never get anything in return.jus waiting to be off tomoro cos there many things waiting for me to do.hope shes coming back soon cos i really miss her jus hours apart but still the other side of me told me she have to go home at times to check on things and make sure its fine i cant be slefish to ask her stay here and dont really care wats happening at her home.called her jus now telling her i need to open door for clinic knew she find it disappointed cos i told her i working 6pm but the keys are with me and i cant hack care.she jus told me never mind when i said i wait for her finish work and she jus say she tired and hang up the phone.i dont mind u attitude me but do u appreciate the small things i have done have for u,u done things for me??hate it when ppl jus hang my call when i havent finish my sentence i know u didnt do it on purpose.but u really have to controll ur emo at times.

remember the day,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Quote of the Day

Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Facts and Truth of Life

Had a great 2days of OFF after a long weekend,many things happen like Ayu going for F1 and other stuff.didnt wanna bother much cos i think its not necessary for me.wat i concern more rite now is my personal life and her which makes me really need to care more and understand her better due to many mishap recently.day 1 off,went to pet farm continue by going ikea and also Giant supermarket.was enjoyable cos many happy and silly things happen there with her and eddy.went home early to rest cos she not feeling well.which i guess we both slp very early since being together.day 2 Off went out aroung 4plus brought her and eddy again to jln jamal which is a peaceful place like holland village or can i say serangoon garden,ate dinner there as well as dessert at Hagen Daz.after which went home early but things happen at her place which we rush down and settle it b4 heading home again.on the way talk about many things which i guess are sensitive issues in life but she jus dont get it cos i really care for her future and mine.she may think i think alot but without a goal in front u are jus heading no where and aimlessly..life is short and very fragile every step we take is a step tat change our life.i really wish to see u happy and have no worries in life abt anything.know its a quick to say tis much but would really wish things will jus goes on fine btw us cos i really dont wish either of us to the acting good jus be frank and honest towards each other if not a relationship like tat will never last long.know u dont wan me to worry ur things but the ways u do things really care for other but never ever think for urself.frens are everywhere but many will never go thru hard times with u.u need the care and concern but not from a bf kinda things but have u ever feel anything for me since we patch back cos i think tis Qs really lingers in my heart??i know it not easy for u to say cos everytime we talk business u will always be there in a silent mood which makes me wonder wat u thinking and how am i going to understand u when u dont raise a thing.try to open ur doors into ur heart in order i will know more as well as give trust and faith and confidence cos u lost all tis in me and the ppl around u which make me even down in a way went will u be there like before.i really wonder cos u need to think positive in life which also there are always 2 sides to look into a matter whether u choose which one please dont regret cos we cant turn back time.you are still young which i guess some things i say may not suit ur liking but to bad cos i would rather say to let u realise it then keeping u in the dark.know u very tired le try to slp well,sweet dreams and let nature takes it path then trying to change the way of it.

Emotions,

Kenneth Chan (DEAR)

Almost There

Did i make her piss off again?i really got nothing to do with that new staff,i really dunno wat wrong with me.i think i almost here in breaking down.thought a couple should be there for each other and also support each other?i feeling lost in a way or two,i'm not angry but paranoid of myself cos the things i done not enough or cant reach ur expectation?do u always have to get piss off with me and the things i do isnt correct?am i a so shut up tat when things get into the way that i have to jus down my head and walk?im doing all the best for u and myself by not getting involve in any girl related issue cos i know u get jealous easily but i really didnt do it at all.everytime issues like tat happen i dunno wat really is happening cos i'm like in a blur state.feelings jus cant express out cos i know for all i care i jus wan u to be happy.even whoever sms or call u i wish to know but i know if i ask u will get angry de.Is i no use i guess cant even ask u.i afraid of many things like boss ask u drink when i know u will say no but the problem lies here when i cant do anything to help jus feel so useless of myself jus feel tat i cant be there for u at times like tat.i feel sad and the sting when ppl buy food for u and its ur fav when i didnt know at all.are u really happy with me??i try many ways to cheer u up cos dont wan u to think to much cos i dont wish u to have depression or feel weird..know it will still linger in ur mind,im sorry to cos all tis unnecessary troubles for u didnt mean it and really foolish of me to make u into tis state i really blame myself all tis while,how can i be so selfish never ever think of ur feelings..wnet downstair to ge ur chicken soup afraid u feel hungry wanted to cook for u de but knw u tired and u didnt wan it.i really never tu lan u jus many things going thru my head.dont wish u to worry so muc cos u already in quite fan le.tats y no matter wat i have to find solutions out.i know i got no $$$,car,house and future.i cant seem to see the road ahead.but will u still wan such a person like me.i feel inferior at times cos i cant give u things tat u wan now.so many things to settle and i know it will take time but will time wait for me and will u..many things are not told cos i jus wanna take care of all our problems we are facing be it no matter wat i jus wan the best for u and .....know u sleeping soundly and u really need more rest then tis..sweet dream my dearand i do hope tomoro is a better day ahead.

Staying Strong,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Understanding Each Other

Woke up late and didnt have time to blog but was shock and surprise and happy to hear a good news which i dunno how she fine it maybe its not the rite time maybe it is the rite time.like i say the decision lies with us not u only watever u say i will never disagree.i will never be like them jus care for the first 2 or 3mths later go back to the same,worki yesterday was fine after clearing all the misunderstanding.had lunch with her at Yoshinoya which i can see tat things are getting expensive cos i very long never eat le and the bill was almost $20 for 2person..all went well thru out the nite while working till i finish work it started to rain very heavy as in heaven is crying for some reason.waited for her at the transport and went with eddy for late supper at Hougang Green.having her fav mince pork noodle.after tat share a cab home.knew she feeling not well and cold so cook for her mushroom soup which i can see her increase of appettite.ask her to go to bed cos she very tired and try to pat her to slp.woke up 1pm had to rush to MCYS to see romeo's probation officer discussing abt the issues and job related things.after that rush down to douby ghaut to pick 2 new staff to office to sign the documents then proceeded to work.receive her sms saying she feel tired and not feeling well,she took a cab down then brought her to eat yoshinoya again cos she craving for it.talk to her thru out cos i care for her and love her.dont wan her to think too much neither make herslef feel uneasy.its not easy for me but i jus wanna do it cos its my character and she is my love one and she need me the most rite now.She wont be in the rite mood at times cos of things tat happen recently which i will pay more attention on her if not she will think too much.Dear meeting u is by fate,getting together is by chance,loving u is with my heart,thinking of u is my mind,being there for u is my care & concern and understanding u is my wish,supporting u is my life and getting married is my dream.I'm rite now thinking so many things going thru my mind i know i need another job and i know i need nore time to spend iwht u i need god to help me thru all tis cos i myself cant hole the world and i nedd my dear to support me in the decisions i make in life.

Peace,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Day 17..Care & Concern

i guess i speak my mind out to herafter she woke up in the afternoon,didnt get much of slp cos i was thinking many things and looking at her slping talking to herself while she doze off.it may seem cute but for me cant slp till 12plus.fina;;y doze off and woke up at 3pm which i know im tired but got to prepare for work..everything between us is fine back to normal after saying out.jus dont wish her to drink again cos she got kidney problem plus her health is not in a good condition.during work there were many regular guest which cam down to drink had to drink with them cos i made them all spend alot.find myself like a girl cos keep changing table drink with them but i did control my limit.everything was smooth till closing jus tat had to entertain all my guest make them happy.after tat they brought me to MOS to continue cos Clinic close at 3am today.after which i thought of waiting for her but she was in a meeting so didnt wanna bother her went with them to have supper at river valley.after which they send me home.hope her meeting will end soon and she can come home rest cos i feel she v.v.tired and not feeling well..im also very tired le cos didnt sleep much yesterday.saw her shivering jus now at Yue entrance but i cant do a thing feel abit down cos i see her suffer but vant even help.after all tis misunderstanding btw us i tend to realise wat true love and giving and forgive and forget.would like to see improvement in tis r/s.do hope she give herself and me some confidence cos i would wish to ripe the fruit together.Dear,i love u for who u r and not wat u r.well time for me to lie on bed hope too see her later when she open the door with a smile to welcome her home.

Confidence,

Kenneth Chan(DEAR)

Lies & Lies

Feel so sad and piss off,called me to wait for her downstairs tried calling her yet she still enjoying at Yue.And tell me need not wait for her to come home cos she going her own home later.take me as a fool by jus waiting for her downstairs.mind blown went over her house downstairs and wait for her by the time i reach ther she said she reach home already.went up and look but knew she wasnt home yet.try calling her but she doesnt wanna answer her hp.got thru for once but shelle said she diverted her hp to hers.wats wrong with her waited for sometime at her house till i cant stand it anymore thinking where she is,is she alrite and wat happen to her???muz u make me worry so much for u...cant u jus tell me the truth where are u and things wat for lie to me and dont wish to pick u my phone.neither reply my sms..dont treat me like a fool taking cab here and there waiting for u..if u really care for me as a bf pls do ur part not keep on saying me when u cant even control urself.wats the point of calling me to wait yet u take it for granted.i am damn piss off already at work and now u still have to give me problems dont i have enough of everything have to worry abt $$$ as well..wan pasta i buy even though its expensive wat do i get in return???i dont wish to say anymore cos u r damn stubborn..

Day 16..Care & Concern

Again another bad day.Went to work but feel uneasy cos she gave me a look which she look trouble and distance from me again.tried to ask her wats wrong but she didnt wanna bother me.have to go to work cos the keys are with me.in the mrt she sms me asking me abt Angel who she is and y did i change her name in my hp.which i knew she misunderstand me again.knew no matter how much i say or do wont change her mindset cos she take it as im always giving excuse or hiding things from her which i really never hide from her since that incident.Telling me tat i keep giving her excuses and stuff but to be truthful i really didnt lie neither give excuses.i jus merely change her name on my hp cos im afraid she will get angry or misunderstand me again by seeing when did i knew tis dancer but in fact she is a fren which i knew her yrs back when she was a dancer and was together with a fren of mine.i know how much i say its too hard to trust but i know im telling the truth and not hiding things from u.y i delete her sms cos im afraid when u see it u will think wrongly again.it like me jumping into the yellow river and i cant wipe it off.saw her coming to work but she didnt look at me cos she is angry but wat else can i say when i really feel tat im innocent tis time round.well,i still have to carry on my job scope cos its a friday nite.saw kenneth yang and told him not to use ruler to smack her cos her whole body is aching and she feel pain.at the same time he told me tat the opp store does chinese accupunture and its cheap and wanted to bring her for tis treatment seeing whether it will work.she called me after tat and she was back to normal which i find it strange cos 2hrs back she was angry with me and now she started talking to me.i feel so up and down at times.but didnt wanna bother much cos im afraid to disturb her since today is Yue opeing and she will tend to get stress during work so didnt sms her.was busy thru out the nite till 1am when she sms me telling me she is hungry rush down to coffee club to get wat she wan and deliver it to her.Sometimes i really wonder is there something wrong with me tat i can do everything for her and jus her even though happy or not happy i'll still do it for her.i really love her alot tilll tat extend but can she put some trust in me cos i dont wish to get blame for nothing cos i really feel tat after tat incident i never ever wanna hurt her neither use excuse to bluff her.knew tat next week got event at fountain try to talk to Aric whether can i increase manpower but he told me to find terry.which by the time i find terry i knew he was drunk watever i told him he jus say go ahead without thinking.Saw vikki and knew she left Helipad hope she will come back and lead the cannery team cos now every one feels tat no head is there to guide us thru cos they are all concentrating on Yue which i find it biased.trying to do something out for next week event since i cant go for F1 which really dissappoint me alot.but now Terry is not in a clear mind so watever i told him jus now is a waste of my breath.feel tat tis company is really going towards another direction where i really dunno wat im looking forward too,vikki offer me to go Dubai work with her helping her cos she needs an assistant but she have to wait for the reply from them cos tis is an opportunity and will help me grow when IR is opening 2010 plus they are paying in Poundz.but have to wait and see her results first.Going back to her,i feel tat no matter how much i do will never really touch u and i wonder do u appreciate things i have done as a bf??im really stress out at work and my personal life.y bad things always come to me when i never even expectes it.So many customer complains today and i have to run 3outlets till i got no time to eat at all.my ENT burst today cos of the 7%GsT increase and customer complains which i had to buy drinks for them.but doesnt really matter cos i given up for the day.jus wanna faster end work and wait for her to go home and jus doze ogg.went Lunar asking her whether she wan me to wait for her but she told me need not cos she may end late if not she may return to her own house.sorry if u find me giving a look jus now cos im jus low in mood and tired and hungry and disappointed in the upper management and myself.well wanna stop here cos i realy feel down till the very last of me.hope tomoro will be a better day and she will be coming home to slp.

Down to Earth,

Kenneth Chan

Quote of the Day

It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love,
But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands

Day 16..Care & Concern

Today was a slow day.Went to work with her and met eddy in the train which we suppose to meet at kovan but he over short to seragoon station.went to central bought milk tea then proceed to work.Yicong didnt show up at 4pm.waited till almost 5 still no show.decided to take action on him but talk to her and explain how he is like,whether to give him a chance or wat is all on me cos alot of ppl really aim him and he sms me around 6 plus telling me to give him sometime to think thru cos he very stress and things like tat.eddy bought me dinner cos she cant make it so ate in the store,knew it was a boring day but sudeenly complains from customer came in and i dont blame eddy cos it a minor thing but have to train him on his attitude towards customers and how to phrase his words so that they ownt feel offended.Slow nite keep on pestering Randy thru out.Saw her sitting down at clinic and she waited for me till 3am.feel very touched.cos i knew she was tired and not feeling very well.faster chop chop finish my things and took the transport home..bake some bread for her cos can sense she hungry and also boil an egg to rub her back cos i knew ehr whole back aching hope she feel better if not i have to bring her go see the chinese professional le.i was very tired and saw her thru till she slept then slowly i doze off.but i didnt stop blogging jus hope she know it and never will i give up tis blog cos its the longest and most things i wrote is true and i feel tat its part of my life thru out.wake up saw her face like not very happy and i saw her blog which i guess is abt the promise i made and the blog that i will always write jus tat soemtimes i have to blog after i wake up.hope u understand cos i will still blog de..

Blogging,

Kenneth chan

Day 15..Care & Concern

Today was the start of a better future and relationship.trying to keep this relationship simple and easy not letting her feel uneasy neither letting me stress how to treat her better.jus relax and normal will do,at the same times doesnt wan ppl around us to know too much cos i guess both wanna keep it to ourself.Went to Chomp Chomp and eat at serangoon garden follow by mahjong seesion which both of us win abit lar..well should have taken pics.hmmm muz remind myself to bring the camera along so tat we can take pics and scenery to add abit of life to our relationship as well.Reach home in the morning at 6.30am..doze off after awhile.woke up in the afternoon cos have things to do.she went to fit her dressing while i went to Clinic to finish many unfinish business.Was very happy cos i want it this way simple and easy for both of us need not care abt other things happening.Was at Barfly Office doing my work and saw many new faces for Yue,didnt care much cos i wont be there to help neither support but i see it a a very nice and posh KTV.whether it will earn or not still unknown cos i guess our Bonus depends on Yue again like last year for Lunar.hmmm..Leave being approve already so will be going for a short trip with her during her Bday so tat we can chill out and let things down..know she will get more stress recently cos of Yue.will put in more care and concern for her.if really things doesnt work the way u would like to see or work with.there are always better option out there need not push urself to the limit.give urself sometime amybe a month to see whether it will fit in u if not do voice out.Return home together after doing our things and saw her in a quite tired manner.heart ache and faster gave her eat her medication and soon she doze off le.hope she get better in the morning.Sweet dreams my dear..

Happy,

Kenneth Chan

Day 14..Understanding

day 14,went down to Office to hand in my paper work,after that ask for my Al balance which i got a shock that i got burn 7days for not using it before it expire.was piss off and really wanna see Aric and Eric to talk abt it.Went to work and sorted many things before she sms me.ask her come Clinic drink which i reserve a table for them cos i know its a girls talk gave them a nice nice table.at the meant time talk to Eric and Aric regarding many issues which they solve for me.they also tell me to stand strong and lead my team well,after tat help the bar and floor thru out closing.saw them sitting there talking so didnt wanna disturb till we close.after which Kenneth Yang talk to me regarding our problems which i guess i saw the pic and understand the root of the problems and i know i have work it out myself first.hmmm,went home together and did maybe talk abit here and there and i told her things but she didnt say much.hope everything from today onwards will go fine and smooth.dont wish to see the past again.jus wan both of us happy.i really smoke very little nowadays trying to cut down as much and also fast as possble by not buying as well.hope i can quit it out or jus be a social smoker..understanding is the key to success but also i have to control my attitude and temper cos i dont wish her to be unhappy neither emotional.Kenneth Chan Yi Long,it all abt u.kepp it up Go Go Go.

The Past,

Kenneth Chan

Day 13..Understanding

Day 13,Had a Big quarrel with her but didnt mean it cos all i wan is to make her understand somethings and not to insult her neither bring anything up,i'm really foolish at times cos i didnt know she wait for me till 12pm.many things we do for each other we didnt know and expect to be appreciated.All i say is jus to make her realise how cruel tis world is,time past slow thru out the day and Clinic was like never ending pack ppl jus came in and sat down for drinks.Damn piss off with Lunar Management,wanted to inter bar transfer 2btls of Vueve Brut cos i ran out and my customers wan it.cant they make the fucking decision??ask me to call Charles,Eric or Terry in the middle of the nite regarding tis small matter which i find stupid cos its already 1am and call them on their off day to disturb them?I swear from today onwards im not going to borrow anything from them and hope they stay a clear path from Clinic cos watever they wan i will do the same back.Wanted to have a heart to heart talk with her but she was tired so didnt wanna waste her time and effort.make it on another when she is free and feel like talking.she msg me when i reach home and tell me tat something happen and she really piss off told her to calm down and not bother cos it wont help much try to understanf her and give in to her cos she is tired and temper will rise easily but i guess she didnt see it that way in return she told me i wasnt understanding wat she going thru?Asking myself wat can i say to her or do for her?work is always like tat u will face problems at times and some are really shitty or fuck up.but wat for put to heart all the way once its over its over put in ur heart makes u feel worse and things cant be undone.Next time the person come back try to be careful.i dont mind u giving me attitude neither temper cos its part and parcel of life to be with it and grow up with it.i have to stop here got to rush to office and after tat work.dont worry if u dont wish to see me cos i'm going to work jus talk to Ah-ma or something..understanding someone is not easy there are many ways and means to use and to apply in order that is rite and the person wanna hear it.

Forgiving me,

Kenneth Chan

Quote of the Day

Pursuing my career,i did it.
but i lost something,
something which is important to me.
and will never get it back again.

Day 12..Will i see the Light

Day 11,Went to work and saw Greg(MOS) sit down talk to him regarding work and stuffs.Thinking of the debt im in and would wanna faster clear it cos i dont wanna be a bankrupt.Terry didnt came to work i guess cos never saw him the whole day.the night went thru quite fast and Angel and her fren came down to Clinic was surprise to see her cos very long long time never see her.she wanted a seat and Clinic found her a table and then order Mumm champagne btl sat down with them to have a drink and they again order a btl of Moet Rose.they waited for me to close before we proceed to Mos.Arrive there and had a bucket of Heniken and also jugs of Vodka Redbull.Someone one from another table spill redwine on my pants almost drag him out of there but didnt do so cos he apologise and offer me red wine.Drink then Drank till Mos close.Knew thet never had enough so ask me to go Living room to drink again..i was like wow..sooner or later sure gone case but never care cos i jus wanna have fun.Took Angel car over went to the Carpark and saw her new Alfa Romeo Coupe.i knew she comes from a rich family so didnt really wow at all cos she been changing car often.by the time i reach Living room saw my ex staff and frens there enjoy with everyone drank jugs of Tiger beer which really suck cos i didnt really like beer.but play 5-10 lost quite many times and i knew my head was spinning.Angel was like helping me drink alot also..try to stop her from drinking cos she is driving party till 6.30am before leaving there straight away knock out when i enter her car..Wake up saw her sms and called me and i know something wasnt rite but guess she misunderstood already no matter how much i explain she will never forgive and forget but nothing happen btw us.i know my mind is still in a blur state and having a bad hangover.Well got to end here and i know she is angry and upset abt me wat else can i do to make her mine i really have no ways out cos she laready Hate me but i swear i never say much about our things neither abt the Blog.

Regards,

Kenneth Chan

Day 11..Will i see the Light

Day 11,have u ever wonder wat will we be in the future??i really have no idea and i dont even dare to think abt my future now cos i'm really in a messy state till sometimes i wonder wat i do is it worth it or its correct??today had another bad hair day for me cos of my ex-staff who came down to find me and talk..got spotted by Terry and he sms me to ask them to leave but i didnt cos i feel tat they are not within the company compound unless u telling me tat the fountain area belongs to Clinic.He call melvin over and i told melvin off cos tats a public area and i have no say to ask them to leave.dunno wat melvin told him but i know once i turn around he scolded me in a loud tone in front of my guest and staffs and security.i didnt really care cos i wasnt even in the mood to argue back neither embarass.Thus he ask me back tis Qs do i still wanna work or tranfer out.i was like thinking hard transfer me to where??CDM??tats my only option i guess cos the rest like Lunar or Heeren i wont even wanna step in.dunno wats wrong with me tis few weeks like so unlucky and things keep jus coming into my way.When will i be happy again when will my happy go lucky character be back?Today marks another day as i tried to quit smoking le.didnt buy cigarette at all wanna quit tis habit and lead a healthy life style.hope i will be able to tolerate cos i have been smoking since 12yrs old.I really miss the times we spend together.Aric Tan saw my foul and moody look came over and check it out then i explain to him the whole thing regarding Terry.didnt mean anything but Aric apologise to me which i feel there nothing to do with him wat for tell me sorry.no matter wat i really have doubts since a few day back abt the company cos of the things im going thru.wondering 2yrs back with the company i wasnt like tat till now how devoted and loyal am i last time compared to now..seen many ppl come and go till i dont have any feelings at all.lost of words and expression didnt show a thing or two.fight broke out at lunar front door jus now and i worry for her safety but i knew she would be fine cos there are ppl there taking care of her,so i didnt when over and ask her how she is.didnt knew she had to work till 6am today..hope she feeling alrite and never really vomit le.pls take the med regularly cos i dont wish to see u in pain and will get better soon.sometimees i wonder do u really care for me and think of me cos i really dunno wat ur mind is thinking.i really dunno wat makes u say out things tat badly abt urself neither are u reluctant to sms me back or call me back at times.give each other some times to understand each other but ur doors are not open to let me know u better.y things turn out tis way i really blame no one but myself again.maybe cos i play to many girls last time now its trying to fool me back?God is so unfair at times.i really got so much hardship in life and things yet u still give me so much shit..when can i see the light i really wonder???know i will be very hot temper tis few day cos im trying to quit smoking and if there no nicotine in the body the side effects will come.hope she remember to take Al on the 5th til the 7th Oct.cos i have taken mine.well,going to bed now cos i have to wrk later at 4pm which i didnt slpet much yesterday too.wish u reach home safely and rest well.

Quote of the Day

Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy,
...Anger... tears... laughter..
It's when you want to be together despite it all.
That's when you truly love one another.

Day 10 Of Misery Without Her

Day 10,Today was my Off day and looking forward to see the movie 4bia with her later in the nite.woke up early to do my stuff and after that went down to Clarke Quay for a urgent meeting and everything in the meeting was let go know i had to do many changes to my schedule and be handed up by the next day.sat at nectarie for a ice cream waffle which its been a long time since i had it.took the chance to bought her 2 tirimisu cos i know she likes it and think she didnt have 1 for quite sometime as well.meeting ended late and i knew i have to rush a cab to Amk Hub to meet her for the show at 9.50pm.by the time i reach there saw her with Chuanie and shelle which i know i feel like a stranger to them since the day we broke up but still i try to break the ice and sorry cos the show was abt to start if not i would really have dinner with them.took the chance as they left to talk to her not personal things but job and related things.knew if i dont say a thing it will be very strange thru out the whole day together.in the middle of the show she felt cold and i know i cant do much but jus to stay close her and make her feel better abit cos she keep getting shocked or afraid by some disturbing screens.Overall the movie was nice jus that Jeremy Tan keep sms and call me for his btl was at Lunar and he wans to bring it to Clinic which i knew i cant help him only if im there.brought her to Siglap where i like the Hongkong cafe there.sat and had drinks but she kept ggoing to the toilet and vomit.can see its getting worse.hoping she will be better soon.left the place abt 1am and i knew she cant slp tat early so i ask her to came over my place to let her do watever she wans.didnt disturb her at all cos i knew she was having fun talking to herself while playing viwawa.while i was watching the Hongkong Drama.feel this way was nice cos at least staying together for the moment but we do our own things at least im there to see her thru good and bad.played till early morning 6am b4 she wanted to slp when her sickness cam back,keep on coughing and cant slp and kep going to the toilet.She started to breakdonw and i knew i had to do my part.telling her many things and letting know abt life.till 9am where she cant really slp so i decided to bring her go down stairs see a Doc.wanted to go in with er to see wat happen and wat she will tell the Doc everything was like before cos i hole her hands and talk to her.by the time she paid i knew she was heart ache cos it cost $61 which i knew she can do many things with it.wanted to pay for her but she insist.went out of the clinic and she wanted to go home and rest.as we walk she kept thinking abt the $61 whether its worth it.i told her tis i doesnt matter if i pay or wat so long as she wont have to think abt $$$ and getting stress abt it.but she say its like her problem and she wont use my $$$.i knew how stubborn she can get at times cos tat $$$ can let her ccut her hair which i told her tat i pay for it again but she jus refuse.thought everything was back to normal once she took a cab home and i went home but i receive a sms which hit my heart.i hope she wont think it that way and i really wish to get back along soon but i know tis things need time and she need some peace in mind still.tried calling her the instance i think she reach home but she didnt ans maybe she was thinking many things so i went to bed.jus hoping she fine and take her med regularly and get well soon.i really enjoy the day with u and hoping tis will carry on cos its a way to really know each other better.hope she will let me pay for her hair first and u can always return me next month cos tis $$ dont really cos much jus wan u to feel better in life.

Hopefulness,

Kenneth Chan