Flying on a Jetplane

Looking at the brighter sight in life yet to no where at all.i know many things dont come easy in life which its hard to take it neither believe it.i wonder y am i so down in luck for 2009,things arent the way they are suppose to be or wat i wan it to be.well,i dont even know whether will i be able to hit my target this month it seems so near yet so far.im really trying my best to not anyhow spend my $$$ as well as smoke lesser then my usual self.hoping this year will end soon cos by then i know i would have clear abit of my worries like singtel and courts payment where i can start settling my others payments by then.i know its hard for u in a way not having $$$ and cant even go out and have fun.i feel so sorry but i cant do a thing.is it really me whos dragging you down with me??am i really a burden to you.really makes me wonder as i dont wish to see u agitated with me cos i didnt mean it the way i wanted things to be.

Worse Month that i went thru..

Well,i know theres up and down in life yet i feel so down this month keep on kana so many customers that dont buy,yet looking beside me my colleagues all selling like hot cakes.i really cant imagine is there something wrong with the way i serve them or is it becos i dont have the luck this month..i really wonder wats wrong???
Hpe this month end soon and im looking forward t next month cos i really given up hope as i cant even hit half my target and im left with 5days to chiong and its going to be to hard and stressful which only miracle can help me,well keep on telling myself to be strong and not give up easily but sometimes i really wonder whether am i really cut out for this job and career which i never tried before in life even u ask me this Question which i dont really know how to answer u cos i dont even have the answer within my heart.
Many things are in my mind yet i dunno how t deal with it at times and i dunno how to explain or tell u scare that u get angry or piss off.i will do a list for my next month expenditure so that i can see how much im left and where i really spend the $$$ at.i do really wonder at times is it a better idea for me to return home to stay so that u can save that $200 which u r giving ur family cos i feel that its a waste of $$$ to give them so much yet they dont appreciate yet keep on saying us which i really sometimes feel piss off yet cant show it out.Maybe we should sit down and consider cos this $200 we can save for rainy days.
I really wanna let u know its not that i never put in effort in my work but it diff from other retail cos things are much cheaper then wat im selling.70% luck 30% sales skill.which if a customer walk in with the intention to buy from u,the sales will be urs no one can snatch from u,yet if a customer walks in with a heart not to buy a thing wat ever u say he/she will irgnore u.another kind of customer will be no intnetion to buy but the way u talk makes it sound good then there will be 50% chance u may close the deal.Its really not easy and im really putting effort and i wish u to know that im really working hard.sometimes u ask for my sales i feel sad and at times piss off cos its not that i wish to have those kinda amount.
Dear i do really love u and hope u dont think that i change already cos in fact i dint change yet the lifestyle im living in change cos of work and also $$$ matters that change me.pls dont doubt me and never think tat i dont love u like last time le.
well i am counting this amount im getting next month-$1600/$100 from last mth as the less.so that i can plan properly wat i need to spend on.
1)Courts Bill-$400
2)Singtel Bill-$150
3)Kelvin Bill-$400
4)Anna Bill-$200
5)New HP-$250
6)New Shoes-$30
7)Top up Fare Card-$30
Total amount spend-$1460/- :(
Amount left to use -$240/- :(

Tats so much of my pay gone not even adding paying BANK yet.i probably got the answer in me already that i think i will be declaring bankrupt cos the amount is to great and i cant even fork out any $$$ to pay it,unless i can find a part-time job soon which i already started looking for it.If only the bank can delay my payments till SEPT2009 then i guess i will be rather loose in a way to pay them.hope miracle happens.
Seeing the pas i live with and the present now i am in i know i really did change alot in the way i see $$$ and spend it really wisely.u may think i didnt but in fact i do which only i myself will feel it others wont be able to see it.
Kenneth Chan will keep strong in fighting this war against $$$,cos i wont admit defeat so easily which is not my character.till the day i pay finish everything i know i wont enjoy my life and i really hope u understand wat im thinking.

June sucks

June Sucks big time been working for the past 6 days and my sales is only $1.5k till date,wat the hell is happening man..i feel damn pathetic when u ask how is my sales and it not that i dont wish to do sales bt the problems lies with the customer whther they are willing to buy the diamond it all comes down to fate as in whether u serve the kind that will buy.left with 13days to hit my target which is left with $23k which i know its quite diffcult but no matter wat i going to put my best in.time is passing so soon and a major reshufflement is coming and i am really wondering where will i be going.next is my confirmation and i really wonder will i be confirm..today im late for work but i dont blame u cos its me who wanted to slp more which cos myself to be late if i would havewoken up at that time nothing will be wrong well let the matter rest and dont take it to hard k.i love u.:)
thinking of the past and the things we went thru its been 11mths already and i am looking forward fr our 1yr which i have never went thru a relationship that long.hehe even though its great singapore sale but its not working maybe ppl are jus buying more branded and electronic items then buying diamonds.no matter wats the turn out like tis end of the month i wont be depress neither happy cos i know that i did my best and wanna hope the following mth will be better at the new outlet im going too.as well as hoping the new colleagues i am going to work with will be good.
im going to slp soon cos i wish to have my full energy working tomoro cos i am working with that SJE for the 2nd time and who knows what the hell she going to test me tomoro.well in a few days time my traier will be going to give me a test in order i get confirm which is very crucial to me and hope everything that i learn and gone thru will put me to my confirmation

Start of June 2009

Its June 2009 already,many things happen but its the past already and i have to live my life more fully each day cos time is running fast and i wanna be ahead of it not behind of it.i need to really find a part-time job to work on my off day cos i wish to earn more $$$ i know my current job cant support me much so its best to find another job to settle some $$$ issue as well.
Another new month and i muz chiong my sales again.i wanna be a top salesman in the diamond industry and ppl will look onto me and buy from me.i hpe this is a job that will make my career.
Went home and visit ah ma today and i can see she is getting old and weak i feel so hurt to see her like that plus she is getting skinny each time i see her.i hope everything is fine with her and i do wish to spend more time with her also cos she not young already and its time i show my respect and filial to her cos she was the one who brought me up all along i owe her to much that i know i can possibly be returning her much in my life all i can do is make her happy.
Im old enough and i know wat i need to do i cant drag things behind me for a life time i eed to piority them in order to look forward not stumble over the matter once it appears or come again.Wish me luck this month again and hope i can hit my target to bring more $$$ home.
Now another of my fren is getting married and i feel so fortunate for them.hope things g well in the future for them and i send my blessing to them..will be going for his wdding dinner next week.well will stop here and continue another day..

Ending of May 2009

Been awhile since i blog.Was busy with work and many things.At last i hit my personal target which is $17k but over do it with a total sum of $25k at this pint of time.Our outlet also hit not jus 100% but over did it by 135%.For this we will get more $$$ and im really proud of myself cos i have understand that not only can i do well in F&B industry but also in Retail Jewellery trade.At first i was afraid cos i kept thinking im not cut ut for this line but it really prover me wrong as long as u are well verse and with the knowledge there nothing can hold u down.
Rite now my biggest worry is You,Jasmine.im sorry for treating u like tis tis morning which i admit its my fault and also i was really in a daze and sleepy mood which wat i talk cannot be taken for cos i did not use my brain and think before i say.i am really sorry for this,due to the lack of sleep.i really wish have god times with u thru out not like this.thanks for the food this morning cos its send with love from u,dear dear i really love u and im trying to work even harder for $$$.i wish to faster settle all my debts so that u and me can have a better life together.
this 3 days study course was really hectic and so much homework to do.tomoro have to hand in already and yet i havent started cos i work till closing jus now but i was glad to work today cos i clinch many deals even though its only $3k plus in total but it took me only 8hrs to do so.Wat inspire my day was the last couple that came in and bought a pair of wedding band even though its less then $1.5k but still the signifance was there cos he was jus like me when i bought her ring and mine which we did not fight for price and paid in hard cash which the feeling will always linger in my heart.i promise myself 1 fine day i would wanna go back to how we were before going to shops and paying things in hard cash.Well,that customer will be coming back to buy another proposal ring 0f which i will recommend my destinee to them 0.5Ct a $7k plus which that guy is looking into and i know he will buy it plus he jus my age group which i really admire him.
Time is really catching up on me for my homework to be done and hand up tomoro plus course will be held at plaza Singapura and i wish to top the class again for wat i did the first day in class in role playing.i hope to see u tomoro cos i will finish at 5.30pm or 6pm there so that we can search for the ring that u wan to trade in.Dear Dear i really love u and never will i dont care about u.

Hell of a week

Its the ending of the 2nd week of May 2009 and i muz admit i am damn broke already dunno whether can i last thru the last week till pay day.well this month i guess i got hell load of scolding and things to do at work plus studies too,lucky for me i did pass my exam but sadly is not wat the results im seeing into got 84/100.haizz try harder next time cos i wanna be top trainee as well as best in class.sales was god in the beginning but tend to go abit of course this week but trying to hit my target where i will get my full share commission cos this $$$ i need it.left 2k but still i wan more so that my comission will be more hungry for the $$$.
been quarrelling with her this week for reasons like care and concern which i do admit i did not care that much due to the stress and tiredness in work recently which im sorry that i neglected u.i hope u understand and i really do care in the heart even though i may not show out at times but i do deep down in me.i feel useless at times in front of u cos i know for this few months u r supporting me,that is y i took this job seriously cos i dont wish u to suffer for me and i wish to clear my debts in 2yrs time which is possible to make it.trying my best to do whatever i can in talking terms with the banks to give me a special price to return every month.sometimes im scare of payday cos i know its time to return al the $$$ i owe and i will nly left with 200 to 300 for me to spend wisely till the following month.i really need another job soon but have to wait till i confirm first b4 i start looking for another job cos i need that cash.
Dear i wish to tell u i really love u alot alot,i know ur temper can rise easily which is y i dont wish t agitate u.

1St Day of May 2009

Today woke up early then usual went to have breakfast with darling cos long time never enjoy like that le plus pay day came so can pamper ourself alittle more since last month we went thru real hardship,went supermarket to get groceries for our daly needs after that we went home straight and i prepare for work.too bad cant join darling go chuanie there see our godson cos today is his 1st month anniversary..wish him healthy all the way.
Well,went to work and open the shop.which my first sales of the day was a surprise and a shock to me,little did i expect the couple to buy that 0.3carat diamond pendant which is another thing was it was a DESTINEE wan which from last month till now i wanted to sell it.Last month wasnt that great cos i only did $8901 sales in total which i find it really bad and i didnt make my 85% personal target mark jus short of that 10%..haizz
But i guess heaven is fair to me today cos that couple bought that diamond usual price was $5248 but after discount and give and take i sold it aat $4.1k..hehehe,it was a dream come true to sell it and it mark the start of my day which after that i did sold a gold bracelet worth $370 even though little but it counts and also a wedding band at $788.Total sum i did today was a total of $5258:) hope i can hit my target with such amount for the first day and im looking forward for the next 2 weeks cos ppl will buy Mother's day gift.that is where my sales can boom.havent told darling tis but i guess she will feel surprise and happy for me..At least this change of job marks that im not to bad in doing sales even though i come from a F&B industry background..I miss my darling and hope she gets the Coach job soon..

Sickness

Damn have been sick thru out the whole week having fever and cough and flu..till now im still feeling not very well my nose is like a water tap keep need to sneeze my mouth is like a dog keep on coughing like barking lol..thanks for Dear that she really took care of me during the most worst part of my first 2 days cos the fever keep going up till 40 degrees then go down and then up again..i know u feel left out recently cos when im slping u jus reach home and when i left for work u are slping seldom did we talk due to my hp line and i know you worry for me at times for my sickness is not really recover yet.im sorry that i didnt spend time with u recently after i got sick but now that im feeling better i'll always be there for u and never could u think of other reasons to throw me away okay,jasmine yap:)Cos i Love U

Mid April

Its mid April,work is fine but need to stand for lng hours which im okay with it as long as everyday i got sales im happy le..well,like this work even though its new to me but got many things to learn as well as memorise but i have a group of fun aunties and im the only guy..but wont be at this outlet for long cos i will be tranfer out after im done with the necessary training which i dnt really like being taken out cos its near home and the ppl there are funny..getting use to slping early which i think im getting back to normal life style which does affect my darling mood cos she will expect me to wait for her at times but i guess she understand it all already..now only looking forward for pay day and which is another 2 weeks time which im very poor already..hope tis job may take me to greater heights in life and i know many ppl are surprise that i quit F&B line and join a line which is so diff from all my previous jobs.i myslef feel funny to but as long as there is a job now better then none..stop all the nonsense and leading a normal lifestyle which i guess is better cos i realise gambling cant bring me any good.i really hope to see the future soon after i clear my debts and i hope ur interview tomoro is a success cos after that we need not have no time for each other..:) i love u my dear which i really meant it.

It April 2009

Its already the start of April 2009 and for the past month of March i was slackin thru out jus doing nothing but play mahjong and soccer only which make me more worse cos i already not earning income yet spending $$$ like no bidy business.i guess i made her angry and sad thru out and i did made a promise that i know i will keep it and not letting it happen anymore..Found a new job which i guess i do like it and wanna make it my career.jus started work a few days ago and did some sales which im happy about it cos i dont wish to lose to anyone.Diamonds are now my best frens as all i can sa and i know you like them very much too..hehe well,when to Elf birthday chalet on fri 3 April 2009 which i did enjoy my day cos after that day was my birthday 4 april 2009.At first,i feel sad cos nothing was there for me but eventually saw them come with dear dear at 3am which made me feel better and they gave me a surprise with a birthday cake..hehe thanks for all this my Darling..i love u..well,,can u guess wat wish did i made???stay till early morning and then went to work straight which made me very tired but i wont skip a day of work cos i jus started it after work dear came fetch me and met them at town to watch the show KNOWING..which i guess is nice,feel tired after that and went home straight to rest..hahaha slept till 5pm after which went out to watch movie with Dear and also bought my present..which i feel bad that i di something mischevious...hehe watch the show Shinjiku Incident and it was great..after which went home and tomoro have to wake up early to settle my doc and bank book also..hmmm..dear this is the fresh start and i look forward to you..hehe love u my darling:)

Emotions

In life, uncertainties are bound to happen. When it began hitting me like a pile of falling bricks, i can't help by asking myself," Do i really deserve all this?" I don't have a nasty attitude, it's just my own personality which you couldn't handle. I'm not born like this, nor am i born to be a perfect being. This is something which we have to acceptas a friend,a mate and a companion.I can't afford to make any more mistakes in my life. For thee i've done, has hurt through the hearts of many. I've and I'm still trying to change, but instead of recognizing... What hurts me the most is the amount of pain and effort I've put in, and yet no one out there give a pat on my shoulder and says " Kenneth, I'm proud of ya."How am i to distinguish or to judge based on these simplicity and yet complicating thoughts?Every footprints i left behind holds a certain memorable memories in my life. I can't help but think back? I'm happy for myself but are they? Would it be better if i chose to abide by their choice instead?Tons of things i shouldn't be doing right now..Things i knew all along that it's wrong..and yet i carry it on..These feelings sucks...Happiness? I really yearn for it for a long long time..I still have not found it..Those smiles on my face are actually deception from others...I'm feeling pain all over. Physical and emotional. Most of the time, I'm all alone, curling myself in bed, growling in the middle of the night..suffering in silence. Hardly anyone knows, because i ain't reach out..to those whom i really care..Forgive me..for I'm selfish at times, and yet you are able to withstand this stubborn mind set of mine.

Waves of Interviews

Today been thru a whole day of interviews from town area till tampiness and even more.Trying to get a job soon and i know its not easy cos economy is bad.I know i cant get the pay i once gotten and have to put my pride and even dignity down at times.I tried my best today and will carry on tommorrow till the day i get a job.Once before i was in CLOUD9 where i have everything in life which i ask for and now i lost everything in life is this the will that up above have fated for me?Humans are really fragile once bitten they wont dare do it again and i admit im like this.there is always a chinese saying and i agree with it "Tan De Wu Nian" which is saying about greedy in life.I feel that im in a body without a soul as my soul have left me all that is left is jus a body which is degrading day by day in searching of that long lost soul of mine.Ppl start leaving me and i see that things are changing around me,going out in the streets passing by ppl makes me fearful cos they have a mind full of lust and desire.after which yet again i learn a very important lesson in my life but still it didnt improve much but brought me down to my knees deeper,so deep that i lost my sense of directions.How i wish to see the blue blue sky i once saw before.Now everyday coming home i a fearful thing to me,when will ppl come knocking my door and take my things away.Have been receiving calls and calls from day till nite asking when will i pay up,i know theres no way i can fork that amount out and i know i cant take it any longer before i have to declare bankrupt.Im going thru a harsh period jus that in front of everyone im wearing a mask not letting ppl seeing how hurt or how my situation is rite now.Wondering how long can i be wearing that mask and how long will the ones up there wanna torture me i have strive out my career for the past 5Years and jus a day YOU destroy all of it.Now again i have to fend for my everything again.Will there be the day everything can be start anew??i do really wish it will and the things i have done,will be able to redeem that very chance in life.

*Hope u are happy with ur frens and freedom.

Time Change Surrounding Change Ppl Change

I truly understand how i feel after yesterday,you may think its nothing but to me it hurt me deep.Shouldn't stay over your place last night if not all this wont happen.Ever thought how many times have i been thrown at home alone??how does it feels to wait that mere 5 to 6 hrs or even if i dont wait and i fall asleep it still the same cos u will worry for the other party as in whether anything would have happen and other reasons.I think its more than enough for both of us since we cant give in neither meeting the timing as well.i guess this is another form of respect to u if i were to do that.i really slept and woke up at 7am thought u would be home but didnt got to see u which make me worry call u never answer then i had no choice but to call Linda and she answer telling me she drop you off from the taxi which make me rush down jus to see wether you are alright but i cant see u which made me wonder what a lie she make when i try to call u many times but u never answer so whats going on..i really confuse being as someone who care yet get this kinda treatment isnt nice when a guy hang my call the first time i call and u pick up telling me your hp not with u and u having breakfast.i guess its really enough that i may not spare a thought at gambling but have you spare a thought for me???need not try to make amendments cos you will never change clubbing is ur favourite and i wont stop u neither the ppl u go out with cos i find it a waste of effort as in i really try my best ask urself how many times have u done it..Take Care..

Tomorrow is the Day

In another few hours i will be leaving this home i call which is our so call temporary love nest.It hurts deep in my heart but i guess this is the best option for both of us to think and to make things better.I feel sad but still i hope you can be independent in a way to take care this love nest when im not around like what you say i will only stay over during ur off day if let say you are not going out,hope ur parents wont ask much about it maybe jus tell them im slogging with my job thats y i seldom come home.I know i made alot of empty promise to you and it somehow sadden you in a way which been going thru my mind.I regret myself for being like that and i feel sad,will do it or not its up to my will and mind set which i will write down everything i say to you and slowly accomplish it as time goes by.i will make amendments to myself and not letting it fault me again as well as being a better person in life so that i prove myself worthy towards the society as well as to you and myself.I still have a long journey ahead which there will be many upcoming difficulty that i will face but im willing too cos i am answerable to the mistake i made and whether will it work out well or not i will still swallow it down,maybe one day i will be able to head up and be proud of what i went thru during such harsh times.As for you i know you will be going to be miss badly as well as you will feel uneasy but no matter what im there jus a call or sms and i will certainly be there for you.please dont keep things to yourself and hide it from me maybe you may think im busy and dont wish to disturb me but still there will be time to spare and most of all in my heart there is a special place where you belong and no one can take over it.I will miss the precious moments that we once had and during this transition time i can only think about it till the day,i prove myself.Dear dear,take care of yourself and i will miss you very much.

Yours Truly,
Ee Fat Ass Aka Fatty Bom Bom

You Could Be Happy-Snow Patrol

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Happy Valentine's Day & Our 7th month Anniversary.

I first wanna wish you a Happy Valentine's Day even though i cant give you anything and also a Happy 7 month's Anniversary yet i know its the last one.I know in our hearts we are sad and hurt and it will take time to heal.I know time have tell you many things about me and i feel sorry to you as well as myself i regret but i know its to late to amend it but to live in the darkness for the time being.Maybe what you say its correct to let you go so that i wont ever hurt ur feelings and also you really can regain ur freedom.I didnt know how much i control ur life till you told me off,i feel sad for myself that y am i so selfish in life.That i never even think for ur feelings.So many thing happen for the past 2 months which its hard on both of us,till now i guess we have a mutual agreement in a way to either cool down or break up.I really hate myself so much and im really lost and dunno what to do now.Its sad for me to know that im retrench deep down my heart i feel like pouring out but i old back my tears and keep quiet cos i dont wish people to see the weak side of me neither wil i wanna show it to you cos i know you have alot of problems in your mind already.Im in a daze for this few days dunno wat to do dunno where to start..its a blow to me losing my job,its another blow to me losing $$$ and the greatest blow will be u that i cant hold on to it yet jus shed tears when u were sound alseep.looking at the way you sleep bring me back to the good days we had.im really fond and in love with you but it takes 2 hands to clap not one..Theres nothing that will change your mind and i respect it,this will give me the time to think hard and really work something out for me and not relying on you neither making you in trouble with me.I may not be the perfect guy in your life that you met but i hope that maybe in years to come when things are better for both of us and you are still single i would ask for you to come back to me.I wanna let you know that from the start of our relationship till now i have never cheated on you and i really devoted my life and love to you and only you which i know its hard to believe me but wat im saying is the truth as i swear to the gods above me.Dont think to much for me cos im not really worth it after what have happen recently and i didnt respect you neither care about your feelings,i feel so lousy that i drag you into so much shit with me which now i really have to stand on my 2 kness and work things out myself not relying on anyone.it make take a few years but its all fated i cant change the past but to live on with it forever.I know i maybe saying alot but i just hope you will bear in mind what i will say cos i dont wish you to get hurt neither see you sad again.dont trust ppl to easily except urself and ur family,they really care for you alot jus that you need to spend abit time with them.mom maybe abit naggy towards you but she really care alot behind when ever u are not around she will ask me about you and ur work,dad may be very quiet but he is doing his best at home to make sure everyone jus need to work and need not bother about the cleaniness of the house,ur sis is there for you whenever u need a listening ear,ur bro maybe young and stubborn at times but his growing up as a teenager if you need someone to talk to him let me know cos i maybe a good example for him.As for you you need to tidy up your room every once a week at least if not crocoaches will come in which you are afraid,bring ur dirty clothes behind and also learn to wake up pack ur bed cos no one will help u do it le,turning 20 years old le no more a young girl but a mature girl with responsiblity to see thru this home of yours.I guess its the last time for me to help you arrange ur cupboard,desk,bed and other things its not in your hands le:)There are many things which i cant speak my mind towards you cos i am not god in saying so i rather wrte down everything in here for you.Dont forget to look after baby & ChouChou & Ee Or.they are ur love ones and the one which will always sleep beside you.As for you,dont drink too much as ur health not very good,if can stop smoking better for you,try to safe your hard earn $$$ not always spending it unneccassary as in cabs and others,pls eat as well not skipping it always.well,i guess that all i have to say.Im sorry which im going to say for the last time that i shatter your dreams your wishes and your image in ppl.i will look for a proper day job as well as a part-time at nite if possible i will also wish to seek for help to quit my gambling addictions.In my heart theres only you cos you sacrifice to much for me before which is y i always tell u i really really love you very very much,Jasmine Yap Shi Min. Thanks for the memories that you gave me and went thru together i really appreciate you alot.dont keep thinking you are not a gd gf or wife cos it takes time to understand somethings in life maybe you havent master the importance things of it yet..slowly take ur time.You still got a long journey ahead t walk and to learn new things.If given a choice to spend my last moment with,i wil wish to spend it with you.Thanks for the Valentine's day present which you gave me..a wake up call telling me the importance of you and the foolish and naive thinking i had in me.i know u hate me very deep and cant forgive easily too,i guess i have done up the whole room for u and its all your care from now onwards.left with a few hours before i part this place with memories and how i wonder when will i see you again and ur family.wish u and ur family be happy always.

With Love,
Ee Fat Ass

The way you are now

The way you are now really change completely..Still the same there is no trust in me,how can you take it this way that only you can talk to guys but i cant even talk to girls.think you should really reflect back.i gave evwerything to control all my $$$ yet when last time u got a debt of $400 out there i clear and didnt ask u back but since u wanna make it clear that all my debts have to repay u for watever u help me pay i will say no problem..i will pay u back every little single cent.Wanna go out jus like that after so many sms with dunno who.did i say a thing or did i jus keep quiet not wanting to pick a quarrel..cant bring me along or think you wont be the one enjoying when im there..i really give in to all your needs at times..you want this want that i have to get if not buy have u ever thought about me then thinking of the ppl beside u or yourself.i try my best to do the best.once i was loaded with cash and live a good life now tat im poor i try to control all my needs and balance my life out by not spending too much..jus took a $10 from the dog and was being say till like fuck.cmon i have my diginity i did put in $$$ to the dog as well..think about it dont keep on telling me break up or cool down if you love me respect me abit more treat me abit nicer..this is wat i wanna say to you.i dont wish to see you come home with alcohol smell so strong crying telling me there wasnt fun and things like that i just wan u to be a good wife to be to me..i really wont leave you and i hope u cant rally change in time to come cos i dont wish you always to be trouble by things im here to share with u no matter wat even tou i may not solve ur problem at least i know wats wrong and where can i start to comfort you.its been 7 months being together and if i really leave you it would be done long ago not now..i wish to see us happy and faster settle all stupid debts i have.pls keep your promise to me cos i really wish to see u change abit better can le.i really love you but it hurts to see u like that at times

Days of my Life

Sometimes it feels hurt to hear wat u say or react against me but its part of your character that is wat i like about.i really worry for you this few days to see you gamble and i never show it out jus like today i saw ur bet $150 per game on corner only,i was really praying hard will win cos first half only 4 corner how to have another 7 corner 2nd half..well lucky wi if not i know u going to fight it back.see urself tis few days did u change like betting soccer till late for work if not suddenly bet so much which u never did it before.well its ur wish which i wont stop but i would wanna help u out too..hope u will agree with me.i really love u but i know theres many things i cant do for u at the moment which i know u going thru a hard time but give me time i will come back to state.its jus that i have to lay low during this time of life.dont tell me we are not suitable for each other or wa cos i feel that we are jus that we need to control each other at times cos no one is born perfect and it hard to change bad habits that y we are here to help and make things better for us in life.hope u understand me and i would wanna care and love u even more then before..darling u are the 1 and only 1..love u

Happy Chinese New Year

I guess every year chinese new year is getting bad to worse maybe in 10 year down the road ppl may not celebrate already.been working thru chinese new year and had many tiffs with her for no reason at times but no matter wat as a couple we should give and take at times.yesterday after sending dear dear to work went out with a couple of frenz to wach the show (PUNISHER)..was quite action pack but the movie was very gory,i guess if i bring u go watch sure u will vomit wan..haha,after that went down jackie house play mahjong and BAN LUCK(21).doesnt seem very well for the start cos maybe dear dear still at work so didnt play very big jus started with $5 all the way..lost about $20/- after that play mahjong still no win no lose till dear dear come then play till 7am in the morning so long never enjoy till early hours le..but we lost about $150/-.Well,got win sure got lose the so take it easy today 2nd day will whack them till they pay me my $$$ and double up..hahaha,i really didnt mean to say u in the morning but hope the matter rest cos it takes time to change my bad habit no saying ppl if can pls slay my mouth if u think i was bout to say but pls..(not so Hard laaaa).you say i dont update my blog but was really busy recently and didnt have time to do it..not saying i dont wan or forget my promise dear dear..i hope u can curb ur temper abit cos dont u find urself exploding at me very easily now adays for jus the smallest matter as well..not saying im complaining or wat but can you jus protect me abt more from ur relatives cos u should be there not letting me go out and stun everyone by saying wat(Hi..im kenneth,jasmine bf nice to meet u all)is this wat u wan me to stun them..hahaha i really wish things will change alittle cos i dont u to get mad with me for little things cos like that u will grow old faster..:P dear dear i know you worry about the $$$ but i will tell kenneth mself not invovling you.other then that i will be very thifty from today onwards as long as you can safe keep all the money will do le then maybe per day $10/- if i need transport $$$ hen ask from u lol..dear dear now i leave all the $$$$ issue to you and u will help me see it k..i love u

Turning Over A New Leaf

Its time to do the neccessary adjustment in life cos i cant go on like this forever making you worry on the time abt me making u feel that i dont care or love you anymore.but to the fact i really love u more and care for you too.its been a few weeks which i know i let you down due to the soccer which i pay more attention to but now all this is gone and i will have to step up and lift my head high up to continue this journey ahead i know its not easy but im still young and theres still a long way for me,if onl ppl were to give me time and chance to prove that i can do it.at least all tis stop and we dont get to quarrel over this things everyday in life.i really wan the best of us.time past and you may think my heart for you have change but i can say that i never change at all.6months already and till the future it will never change.i really dont understand at times when i call u,either u talking on the phone that cant answer or you will jus answer and tell me stright and direct call me back later but you never call me back it makes me wonder whether will you ever remember that i call you and how important am i to you.like today for example.i dont wish to make matter worse so i jus waited for your call but still never call back and i wonder is your job so busy to call me??you tell me play badminton and swimming im happy in a way but will we ever do that will be a very big ??? to me cos i never did that with you before and will it happen wil be another thing.hope it will 1 day,like you always tell me actions speaks louder then words and i will always remember that.nowadays i got nothing to llok forward to cos even payday comes i know i have to clear all my debts.just looking forward to see you after work or off days spending together.i wonder in my heart am i a burden to you know cos to be frank i lost everything in life where i have to start all over again which i have to depend on you moreover to support me.for this coming year and i really dont wish this to happen,i feel so depress in myself that i can do anything for you and making things worse in a way.im sorry but i know you are numb with the word i say.but there isnt anything else i can put in a way to make u smile again.maybe what you say is rite if only i can fill ur heart with love again...hoping hings will change after all this shit that hapen on me.

$$$ days

Thinking of our thailand trip thinking about ur health which worries me too.yesterday Off went to Singapore Expo Tattoo Convention Fair to find jordan cos he wanted to finish my tattoo for me on the spot with so many ppl there walking.paid cover charge to enter which is $18 per person but no free drinks..sure the organizer earn like mad lol..well,still early so walk a few rounds before we went next door john little sales..hahahaha,bought sone bras and underwear and a specs which my dear love it plus its FREE..hehe good minds think alike..
After which went back to tattoo hall cos i was thinking have to start putting cos it will take 3 hrs but sad to hear from jordan he got walk in guest wanna put so $$ muz always come first so didnt put went Orchard rd meet er sis walk walk then went to COACH to see her bag but they dont have the ones that was in the internet which i find it weird..haizzz wasted the trip..walk around till dear dear say she tired so brought her home to rest till almost 10pm then we went out for dinner.
Had the Fish Steamboat at Kovan there..it was not as nice as the first time we eat so didnt bother much after eating we jus walk off..haha like hongkong gangster like that lol..never pay any $$$..well brought dear home and had a early night till 5plus in the morning cos she was coughing badly and her heart is week..plus she is hungry...say i make u like a pig bt u urself wanna eat so muc de..pls dont blame me..lol after which she came home and is sleeping till now..dear dear im awake and waiting for u to bring me out to walk walk buy new year clothes..:)

Happy New Year.

been awhile since i blog and so many things happen during the new year..Cafe Del mar Year end party is fun now waiting for 2yr anniversary on th 17 sat of Jan09 then Chinese new year coming le..hehe that day went out with dear pass by saw 1 trolley got $1 in it so push back trolley for NTUC and to get that $1 early in the morning 6am make me laugh..haha in the end that Ntuc dont use trolley one so kana rejected by the staff..but after that day this few days keep on quarrel with dear for many things like soccer and $$$..hope things will change better..dont wish her to be sad or angry jus wan my darling to be happy with me..hope can buy her the coach bag that she like alot and promise to control my soccer betting..i really love her very much and wish to go Bangkok soon with her lol..