Worse Month that i went thru..

Well,i know theres up and down in life yet i feel so down this month keep on kana so many customers that dont buy,yet looking beside me my colleagues all selling like hot cakes.i really cant imagine is there something wrong with the way i serve them or is it becos i dont have the luck this month..i really wonder wats wrong???
Hpe this month end soon and im looking forward t next month cos i really given up hope as i cant even hit half my target and im left with 5days to chiong and its going to be to hard and stressful which only miracle can help me,well keep on telling myself to be strong and not give up easily but sometimes i really wonder whether am i really cut out for this job and career which i never tried before in life even u ask me this Question which i dont really know how to answer u cos i dont even have the answer within my heart.
Many things are in my mind yet i dunno how t deal with it at times and i dunno how to explain or tell u scare that u get angry or piss off.i will do a list for my next month expenditure so that i can see how much im left and where i really spend the $$$ at.i do really wonder at times is it a better idea for me to return home to stay so that u can save that $200 which u r giving ur family cos i feel that its a waste of $$$ to give them so much yet they dont appreciate yet keep on saying us which i really sometimes feel piss off yet cant show it out.Maybe we should sit down and consider cos this $200 we can save for rainy days.
I really wanna let u know its not that i never put in effort in my work but it diff from other retail cos things are much cheaper then wat im selling.70% luck 30% sales skill.which if a customer walk in with the intention to buy from u,the sales will be urs no one can snatch from u,yet if a customer walks in with a heart not to buy a thing wat ever u say he/she will irgnore u.another kind of customer will be no intnetion to buy but the way u talk makes it sound good then there will be 50% chance u may close the deal.Its really not easy and im really putting effort and i wish u to know that im really working hard.sometimes u ask for my sales i feel sad and at times piss off cos its not that i wish to have those kinda amount.
Dear i do really love u and hope u dont think that i change already cos in fact i dint change yet the lifestyle im living in change cos of work and also $$$ matters that change me.pls dont doubt me and never think tat i dont love u like last time le.
well i am counting this amount im getting next month-$1600/$100 from last mth as the less.so that i can plan properly wat i need to spend on.
1)Courts Bill-$400
2)Singtel Bill-$150
3)Kelvin Bill-$400
4)Anna Bill-$200
5)New HP-$250
6)New Shoes-$30
7)Top up Fare Card-$30
Total amount spend-$1460/- :(
Amount left to use -$240/- :(

Tats so much of my pay gone not even adding paying BANK yet.i probably got the answer in me already that i think i will be declaring bankrupt cos the amount is to great and i cant even fork out any $$$ to pay it,unless i can find a part-time job soon which i already started looking for it.If only the bank can delay my payments till SEPT2009 then i guess i will be rather loose in a way to pay them.hope miracle happens.
Seeing the pas i live with and the present now i am in i know i really did change alot in the way i see $$$ and spend it really wisely.u may think i didnt but in fact i do which only i myself will feel it others wont be able to see it.
Kenneth Chan will keep strong in fighting this war against $$$,cos i wont admit defeat so easily which is not my character.till the day i pay finish everything i know i wont enjoy my life and i really hope u understand wat im thinking.